Spiritual jokes

Mulla Jokes

Asanga's picture

Average: 4 (5 votes)

A king who enjoyed Nasruddin's company, and also liked to hunt, commanded him to accompany him on a bear hunt. Nasruddin was terrfied.

When Nasruddin returned to his village, someone asked him:"How did the hunt go?"

"Marvelously."

"How many bears did you see?"

"None."

"How could it have gone marvelously, then?"

"When you are hunting bears, and when you are me, seeing no bears at all is a marvelous experience.



Mulla Jokes

Asanga's picture

Average: 2.3 (3 votes)

Nasrudin was out in his neighbor's field one dark night. He was creeping around collecting melons and putting them in a bag. The neighbor came out with a lantern and saw Nasrudin. Of course he accused the Mullah of stealing his melons, but Nasrudin solemnly answered, "Oh no. I'm just keeping the wind from blowing them away."



Mulla Jokes

Asanga's picture

Average: 4 (4 votes)

Nasrudin was going into a large inn to sleep for the night. There were many beds all in one room. The thought occurred to Nasrudin that in the dark he would not know who he was, so he tied a balloon to his ankle. While Nasrudin was sleeping, the man in the next bed decided to play a joke. He untied Nasrudin's balloon and tied it on his own ankle. When Nasrudin woke up, he looked at the man next to him. Then he reached out to shake hands and said, "Ah, I know who you are. You are Mullah Nasrudin, but please, tell me who I am."



Mulla Jokes

Asanga's picture

Average: 4.3 (4 votes)

Nasrudin and his wife were in the house eating their supper. They heard a noise in their compound. Nasrudin took his gun and rushed outside. He saw something white moving near his garden. He raised his gun and shot. When he went close to see what he had shot, he discovered that his wife had washed his best shirt and had hung it on a tree to dry. Just then she came running from the house. "Oh, you unlucky man!" she cried. "You have ruined your best shirt." "No," said Nasrudin. "I am the luckiest man on earth. I almost put that shirt on this morning. If I had been wearing the shirt, then surely I would have been killed."



Nature of God and Man

brma's picture

Average: 4.4 (11 votes)

This joke was sent to my cell:
God gives,gives,gives and forgives
Man gets,gets,gets and forgets.



Knock Knock

B-friend's picture

Average: 3.7 (6 votes)

Knock Knock!

"Who's There?"

Hutch

"Hutch Who?"

God Bless You

"Hutch Who??"

God Save You

"HUUTTCCH WHOOO???"

HACHOOO!! ..God #@$% You!



The Pastor's A$$

santthosh kumaar's picture

Average: 4.8 (12 votes)

The Pastor's Ass

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race..

The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey..

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted!

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the papers read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is ....

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life..

..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a Happy Valentine's Day!



A PROPER CHRISTIAN LADY

Asanga's picture

Average: 4.6 (9 votes)

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."



THE SCIENTIST AND GOD

Asanga's picture

Average: 4.5 (8 votes)

A scientist approaches God, and says to Him, "Look, God, we don't need you anymore. Nowadays, we can do all sorts of things that used to be considered miraculous. We can transplant organs, giving new life to a dying man, we can cure almost any disease, and we can even clone animals. It won't be long, and we'll be able to clone humans, too. So, I'm sorry, but you are just outdated".

God listens patiently to the scientist and says, "I can see that you believe you don't need me, and I understand. However, I love you, and I don't want to see you make a big mistake, so why don't we make sure? I say we should have a man-making contest, just to be sure."

The scientist replies, "I'll take that challenge".

So, God says, "Ok, let's do it the way I did it in the old days, with Adam and Eve". The scientists says, "No problem", and reaches down to scoop up a handful of dirt.

"Whoa, hold on there a minute", God says. "You get your OWN dirt".



NEW BIBLICAL REVELATIONS

Asanga's picture

Average: 5 (5 votes)

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. (Incorrect spelling has been left in.)

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles

7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony