Between A Rock And A Hard Place

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Hope
And
Fear

Between the devil and the deep blue sea

God alone knows how long I lived like that

In hope and fear

Caught between a rock and a hard place

Hope

Waiting for life to hand you a golden handshake
A goodie bag
I mean... it's the least it can do
When life sucks
Anything
Would be better than nothing
The next best thing

When this
As is it
Is not enough

What say then
That the next will ever be

Chasing the carrot dangling at the edge of your nose

And the desperate desire to escape
To a place of more, better, next

A river pushing itself
Paddling furiously
To the sea

A hamster on a wheel

And you've tried everything
And nothings worked

The pot of gold
At the end of the rainbow

It's a looooooong wait
Waiting for Godot

He ain't comin'

He was never there to begin with

Fear

The fear of making any pre-emptive move
And jeopardizing the chances
Just in case

And the feet forgot how to walk

Would a centipede know
Which goes first
The left leg
Or the right
Or both

Paralyzed with fear
Rocking the boat even a little
Might veer it off course

Sights set on life going
Towards an imagined goal
Of how it should look like

Choice and volition
The human conundrum

And all the effort-ing
To hold one's breath
Till the next comes to pass
Comes to naught

And I've heard many saying
Then you might as well pack up life
And go sit in the Himalayas

It wasn't even your life
Nor a you effort-ing or not effort-ing
Yet it plays out as it does
And everything is included

Even if you believed you were doing life
Or when the belief falls

Doesn't change a thing
And yet, nothing remains the same

All the while
Life
Lifing

All of itself a piece

For if it looked like this
All would be lost
And you with it

Devastating
The heart sinks
Plummeting to unimaginable depths

When the realization hits
This is as good as it gets

And it's neither good, nor bad, nor ugly
Yet everything is included

Simply perfect

It simply is
As it is

It's fall when it's fall
And spring when it's spring

Leaves blowing in he wind

And even as the heart breaks
A sublime beauty floods the lay of the land

Quietly exhilarating
Without flourishes or fireworks or fanfare

The doing or not doing
Still carries on

Utter relief with vested personal agendas gone

Life does itself
Or not

And you turn around
Only in retrospect
Not a thing was out of place
Or in

It just was
As it was

And the sea swept your footsteps in the sands

Who walked here
When there are no feet

And no hard places
Nor a rock

When you're gone

Neither were
To begin with
In the first place

The simpleness of being