Now what?

jawala1969's picture



Average: 5 (3 votes)

I'm a member here but not a particularly spiritual person. I call my many displays of Hindu devotional statuary, "altars" but I'm really a pretty, exotic knick-knack collector. Hear how tacky that sounds? I hate saying it, but it's true. There's no devotion whatsoever. Books, malas, pictures, incense, yantras......no faith, no beliefs, no practice, nothing. Now....

My wife is divorcing me and there's no getting around it. Guess what? I have no idea how to handle it, spiritually. I have absolutely no spiritual foundation in place. I could really use some direction. I'm just completely sad and lost.



MAI's picture

Just " NOW "

Dear jawala1969,

No " now what ". Just " Now "
This. Here.As it is.Life as it is.
As it even appears to be.

Just wrote a blog the other day called "Master Indeed ".
There are points I guess, in all our lives ,when a particular identification breaks and we ask :

"Who to be now..??
What to be..?
How to be..??

To be or not to be..??

The cry of every ego ,in its dying dance...."

The song :
"

Let it be, let it be, let it be,let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be,let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be."

All identification { a me concept } is a grasping, a hanging on.
And,life is a flow.

Be still.
Be open.
Be accepting.
Be at peace.

Que sara sara-whatever will be,will be...

Life will use you.
Life will work its way through you .
Life is always working through us ,as us.
Life has just worked through you, as you.
All of Life IS the flow.

It's not personal.

TRUTH,LOVE,PEACE
MAI

MAI | Wed, 10/31/2012 - 02:32
jawala1969's picture

Thanks

Was it personal when I chose to obey lustfulness and cheat on her? Was it life working through me? I'm not making light of your input. I guess I just don't understand what you're suggesting. Why is life using me as......an asshole? I don't want to fill that role anymore. Don't I have any say in the matter? I don't want to flow and drift a la que sara sara....That's exactly where I am now, to be honest. I just drift and flow along with the path of least resistence, never apply myself, fear everything, hate people and things, embrace rage, bitterness, self-loathing.....I could go on and on. It's this way because it's easy to be this way. It's my default setting. I don't know. I probably misunderstood everything you tried to impart. I'm so tired, MAI. I just want to surrender.....all of it.....all of it. I'm so tired.

jawala1969 | Mon, 11/05/2012 - 17:47
MAI's picture

Acting out of conditioning... is all

Dear jawala1969,

Yes, the pain can be unbearable, the suffering acute.
It is also a great opportunity, to realise one's true nature,a wake-up call, a blessing in disguise.
I myself have been there,that dark dark place.
That self identification with the role.

"~~Why is life using me as......an asshole? I don't want to fill that role anymore. Don't I have any say in the matter?~~"
You are just you.
Without a lable.
Not the positive or negative { as in the above }
Between the seeming duality of opposites, lies the stillness.

More often than not, we try to change the negative into the positive { switching roles }

Wherever there is one there is bound to be the other.
Two sides to the same coin.
Can't have one-half of life, without the other. Where will the other half go?

Actually life is one, undivisible whole.
The seeming split is so we may experience,and accept both these aspects.
I spent many years in denial,and judgment { conditioned upbringing, I guess, being taught to value the good, the positive...etc..and blame, hate,overcome,...the negative.}

Till I realised, that was the aspect of myself I needed to love the most. To accept the most. Not run away from. Not even try to change it { into the opposite- "I don't want to fill that role anymore." }because I couldn't stand to see my own face in the mirror...

The circumstances may be different...
But pain is pain...
Not yours or mine...

Have done all the above.
And the pain turned into suffering.
And it was all very exhausting.

And when I'd had enough, was really and truelly fed up....
A guru called TRUTH, literally popped up into my life.
How could he/she not.

It was a call from myseslf to myself.

Much Love to you.

Have just posted a blog to-day on forgiveness, and letting go.

Am also sending you a private message.

TRUTH,LOVE,PEACE
MAI

MAI | Tue, 11/06/2012 - 06:03