My sexual urge has almost disappeared

nalabonga's picture

Average: 4.3 (46 votes)

The more I am conscious and progressing in my spiritual sadhana, the more my sexual urge diminishes. My libido has decreased substantially since my last visit to India 2 years ago.

I used to be very sexual, almost addicted. Then I made a Vipassana retreat and the sexual urge was not the same anymore. I see a direct relation between my spiritual activity and the state of my libido.

I had several experiences which I suspect were Kundalini outbursts and then my sexual libido decreased even more.

It's like as if the hypnotic magic of sex is not working on me anymore. The sexual fantasies, for example, that used to spark my urge and make me shivering with pleasure do not excite me anymore.

I'm really worried because I'm not 34 yet and find it impossible to develop a healthy romantic relationship having this problem.

I believe I still do have the sexual energy and from time to time I find it necessary to "discharge" but the erotic spell of the sexual act with someone else is very weak. It feels like a hallucinatory drug that doesn't work anymore.

Help! Anyone is familiar with such a side effect to spiritual practice?

nalabonga's picture


I would add that it feels like a higher level of conciseness has awaken in me that is not subject to the sexual spell, that is not getting carried away by the sexual fantasies that used and still does to some extent affect other personality in me.

And maybe it is just a physiological problem...

nalabonga | Sun, 07/19/2009 - 02:40
madan_gautam's picture

Nothing to worry

There is nothing to worry but to observe and enjoy the situation as it is the not final result of the path.
Keep going on and you will find much more.
There is no psycho problem but just transformation process.
One should not conclude in between but to reach the goal and then you will not complain anything anymore.

madan_gautam | Sun, 07/19/2009 - 10:25
mcshantihank's picture

sex is not so important

bhagavad-gita and other scriptures tell us that we should see everything with love and compassions. hence people will learn sooner or later that sex is not so important to enjoy. sex is only sense gratification.

mcshantihank | Wed, 06/02/2010 - 19:59
Phroggy's picture


Yes, but as the 'lower' level sexual urges leave you, it is replaced by a 'higher' expression of connection and intimacy and perhaps it will take some time to be recognized.

There is a very 'personal',selfish aspect to sexuality that is not fully recognized from within the unconscious drive. Even though it is powerful and can be shared with others who experience it in a similar way, it is very 'me' centered and remains so. It does not prevent a depth in that joining, but it also does not bring it about.

The more subtle and powerful Love that enters the relationship in it's stead is ironically not personal at all, and this may cause confusion, since society demands that love be personal. It is not 'your' love and you are not giving it to another. It is a flow that joins and binds apparently separate individuals in relationship. Nobody can own it or control it, it is merely allowed and witnessed effortlessly. While you may be seeking to fill yourself, you may actually need to empty yourself completely. The release of the grasping for sexual objects makes this possible, but it will be rejected if there is the fear of not being 'normal' or of losing something that it is believed is needed.

Phroggy | Sun, 07/19/2009 - 19:52
Omkaradatta's picture

Not to put down...

Not to put down this view of sexuality, but it seems here a little romanticized. There can only be connection and union if there's separation in the first place.

Nothing 'wrong' with any of it, of course. But really, sex is a biological function, is it not? I don't see anything either "higher" or "lower" in any particular view of it.

Omkaradatta | Wed, 07/22/2009 - 10:50
Phroggy's picture


The Love to which i was referring is not a biological function, hence the 'lower/higher' distinction betwen sexuality and Love. I wasn't implying there is a higher expression of sexuality. It remains, as you say, a biological function.

Phroggy | Wed, 07/22/2009 - 18:53
nalabonga's picture

I am happy to say that I think I found the cause of the problem

First, thanks to all those who addressed my concern here in comments and in private messages.

I think I found the cause for my sexual problem. It seems solved after more than two years of frustration. For the sake of others who might be encountering the same side effect I will describe.

One note: it is important for me to emphasis that I strongly believe that feeling and enjoying the sexual energy is not contradictory to spiritual advancement, the same case as with eating and loving.

Anyway, here is the synopsis:

Soon after I posted this post and following one of the private messages I received, it suddenly dawned on him - I realized that my sexual urge problem started when I started to practice a certain spiritual technique which looked marginal but proved with time very powerful. This technique is intended to isolate you from others' energies, thoughts, conditioning and so on. I started practicing it in a time when I was capable, whether I wished it or not, to read the thoughts and feelings of others and it happened to be very disturbing. The technique is simple - you imagine a bubble around you and you instruct all or certain energies not to be allowed into the bubble. What actually happens is that you isolate your halo and chakras' energies from interconnecting with others' halos and chakras. It has many advantages but as it appears it also has some disadvantages - it blocks the streaming of your sexual energy, it blocks the streaming of your heart chakra energy with others and it makes you sometimes invisible.

What I wrote above is not a legendary story. It happened and in certain cases this protective bubble which is very easy to maintain is essential.

When I realized that my closed halo might be the reason for my diminished libido I conciously opened the halo to the outside world. It is better to do it the minute you wake up when the halo is always opened (probably after your astral journeys) and then instead of closing it instinctly, I consciously maintained it open and just breathed to the world.

The change was instant. I had my sexual urge retrieved after almost 2 years, I felt connected again with the world, a considerable feeling of emptiness has vanished.

I will let time judge if this is indeed the reason. I will update you.

Meanwhile there are 2 important conclusions if the above analysis is right:

(1) Every technique that we are doing may have side effects of which we are not familiar. We must be attentive and very cautious with these spiritual techniques. There is always a skeptic side in us that says "what the hell, anyway it seems to me as a bluff, on the worst case nothing will happen..." well it is not so and some of the techniques that seem naive and simple turn to be very powerful. Another similar and powerful technique is Eckhart Tolle's Inner body - be very careful when doing it.

(2) When isolating the halo with this protective bubble, make sure to do it selectively - do allow your connection with your guru or guiding entity to remain, allow positive energies of love to enter. Define specifically which energies you block entrance. You cannot believe how efficiently this blocking works!

nalabonga | Sun, 07/26/2009 - 14:10
enlight's picture


First, I'm really glad for you dear.

What you write makes so much sense. I have encountered similar cases in me personally and in others.

The aura many times closes when it senses danger. Yes, it has intelligence, it has something that seems like an independant "mind". You can notice it when communicating with it and seeing the results interactively on a aura camera system. The aura closing is our main self defense system and we are usually even not aware to of it, only of the outcomes.

You can open the aura selectively. Just instruct it and visualize, no effort, count on it. For example - you can decide to allow entrance of only love and sexual energies (heart and base chakras) and not allow fear and conditioning energies to enter etc. Or decide to what perimeter the aura should extend.

Lastly, to verify your thesis and get accurate input, you can see the condition, composition and extent of your aura using a digital camera system intended for this purpose. There are many experts who have this system almost in any part of the world. It yields very accurate results.

enlight | Mon, 07/27/2009 - 07:49
solo's picture

Bad news and good news

In order to enjoy the sexual pleasure, you must be completely identified with the body, be able to lose yourself, lose the center. This becomes harder and harder as you progress on the spiritual path.

Secondly, the level of sexual urge depends on the level of fear. Tantos and Eros balance each other. It is sexual desire that can suppress fears, anxiety and worries. When you handle your fears and your level of anexity decreases so decreases your sexual urge.

The good news are that all the above talks about sexual urge that stems out of sexual urge net. When you will have love and the sexual urge will stem from this love, it will be a completely different story with no dependency on the level of fears or other factors.

solo | Fri, 10/16/2009 - 12:27
banana's picture

Mine also!!! help!!!

I am experiencing the same thing - can't have the spell of sex anymore, can't lose myself in it. Terrible.

I'm not willing to put it all on my spiritual progress. There must be something I'm doing wrong! I suspect that it has something to do with control, see .

People - please, help!

banana | Mon, 12/21/2009 - 08:37
solomon's picture

Diminished sexual urge and "Self Enquiry"

Ramana Maharshi's Self Enquiry may weaken the libido if not done consciously and accurately.

Most of the "I Thoughts" are associated with the head, with the area behind the eyes, therefore focusing our attention on these "I Thought"s bring our awareness to the head and makes the controlling mind stronger.

Sex drive depends on our ability to lose ourselves, to carry out, to loose awareness, control and conscious presence. Self Enquiry has described above may strengthen the controlling mind and prevents us from loosing ourselves.

A good remedy for this and a test: cease for sometimes to practice Self Enquiry and instead focus your attention on the area of the Chest, of the Heart.

Another brilliant technique to eliminate the association with the head is detailed in

solomon | Wed, 04/21/2010 - 20:21
dora's picture

Possible side effect of a shift of consciousness

This is natural and common. When you undergo a shift of consciousness, when more onion layers of "I" are peeled, "you" become more mediated, you become "more distant" from the physical outer world, more things that are now recognized as "not you" (e.g. the body, eyes, mind, etc.) stand between your current "you" and the outside objects. It is like a captain of a submarine that suddenly realizes that he watches the landscape through a periscope. And of course, in such state, the outer stimuli are less exciting, you are less involved, less identified.

In a way of analogy:
Watching a landscape in a picture is less exciting than watching real landscape.
Watching a person on TV is less exciting than watching the person in real.
And so on.

When you realize that, when you become aware of the fact that your current locus of consciousness is more mediated and so that may be the reason for your decrease in libido than you will feel a little bit more excited. Something in you that desires this sexual excitement so much and is frustrated is suddenly calming down. If you experience this increase in excitement when you acknowledge the "periscope" than for sure, the reason for your decrease in libido is that which I mentioned.

Don't worry.

dora | Fri, 03/25/2011 - 09:37
shira's picture


Of course your sexual urge has diminished.

First, through Vipassana, you separated yourself to some extent from the body and the world. Unknowingly, you had a shift of consciousness, your centre of awareness became deeper and more refined, less identified. Hence, you became mediated by your body senses which previously were taken to be part of you, in other words, everything became 2nd hand - like watching the scene on a TV - of course, it became less exciting.

Then, through the Kundalini practice, what actually happened is that you taught your sexual energy to flow upright and not only outside, upright and not only towards sexual objects.

It is natural. Don't be worried. Have trust and continue on your path. This is part of the game.

shira | Tue, 04/12/2011 - 05:46
lamasam's picture

i too feel like that.

i too feel like that.

lamasam | Sun, 08/07/2011 - 20:22
jeetesh's picture

I feel my sexual energy decreasing too!!!

I'm in the "art of living" organization since January 2011, i did the basic course at that time. In September 2011, i did the advance course which is a 4 days meditations and we stay in silence for 3 days in the course. we did a meditation to decrease sex energy. Since that i feel a sudden drop in my sex energy level. I feel nearly no attraction to girls now.

By doing my spiritual sadhana daily, my sexual energy is going down and down everyday. I want to remove it forever and i know it will happen!!! I'm planning not to marriage also, i want to live a pure spiritual live from now but i'm still at university and my parents are counting on me to look after them at their old age time. I'm no more attracted to money and materials things also. I'm 23, i want to know the absolute truth but because of my parents i can't. Please can anyone help???????



jeetesh | Wed, 12/14/2011 - 07:51

Get your marriage

Please get your marriage at appropriate time i.e between the age of 25 to 30 years if you want to be genuine and responsible human being for the fulfillment of duties towards yourselves, yours parents and family, towards yours relatives and friends and also towards the society and nation in which you have been. Marriage is not bar for spirituality but it is very, very helpful to lead nice, progressive spiritual life.

Guru Nanak and Ramakrishna Paramahansa were also married spiritual giants and they were outstanding in divinity. Lord Krishna and Rama were married. Brahmaa, Vishnu and Shiva have their own wives as their own powers.

Serving to parents is the service and worship of God. If one wants to serve and worship to God then he/she must serve ones-own parents.

In life it is a reality that the wife is the greatest help, friend and power to husband and vice verse.

Victory to Mother.

NIDHI PARKASH | Thu, 12/22/2011 - 18:38
Quantum's picture

I agree

I feel the same way.

We reap only what we sow.

Quantum | Wed, 10/16/2013 - 19:50
k_hectic's picture


Your parents imposing on you the need to take care of them is selfish. Your want for spiritual truth and enlightenment is also selfish. In the end, it is just a matter of whether you'd allow their selfishness to win or yours.

k_hectic | Fri, 12/18/2015 - 09:33
RebelMunkee's picture

Sexual Transformation

Thank you all for sharing your insight and experiences. I have been practicing Kundalini yoga for a year and a half now. Its been an amazing journey. However, i find my sexual drive/interest to be decreased and somewhat transformed. I don't quite understand it as of yet.
I have always had an interest in sex to the point of addiction. I would look at women with an objective perspective and was highly addicted to internet porn, which on occasion I still use. I'm single in my 30's and don't want to mess up a relationship because of sex. I feel quite disgusted about it at this time. It's caused more harm than good. I'm also realizing that I'm also an abuse survivor in all aspects of body, mind and spirit. However, I'm beginning to see things differently as I am making drastic lifestyle changes.
There is this girl at work who has struck my desire, but not for sex. Don't get me wrong, she is very attractive and has some nice features that at one time would have me "standing at attention" with only a thought and the sight. Currently when I see her, I just see her as beauty, inspiration (to change the way I am and to learn to be more respectful of women and myself). She has also got me back to being an artist, poet, musician and writer (abilities that have been largely suppressed for nearly 20 years.) When I see and think of her, my thoughts are along the lines of, "she is beautiful. She is art. I want to capture her smile in a portrait or a photography," or "what can I do to just make her smile." Sometimes the desire is to just have a nice evening over a romantic dinner, but rarely a thought of sex attached to that. And when that does thought occurs, I find myself changing it immediately, within seconds. There's like this longing to just treat her right and to give of myself freely and and just care for her after all she (and I)has been thru.
Now, I know it may sound weird, unnatural and foreign, at least to me it does, but I find myself chasing her heart than whats between her legs. And it actually feels good. Different, but good!

RebelMunkee | Sun, 04/14/2013 - 15:03
zenben72's picture

Vipassana, Lust, and Intimacy

When I first started practicing Vipassana after a 2006 retreat, I also wondered what might be happening to my sex drive. I had been struggling with addiction to on-line adult materials, and felt embarrassed at the thought of dating because of it.

While practicing sitting regularly, I also became aware of diminishing fantasy, and increased noticing of what I found attractive in women I was then dancing with at a local weekly swing dance club.

I then met a girl I liked, and we dated for a couple of months. I found it easier to be with her when not fantasizing about images from the Net. When the two of us were together, I felt we connected more deeply; it was an experience using all the senses. The self-awareness gained from Vipassana brought about a feeling of being more present to her, and less in my head. There was a greater feeling of connection and intimacy. Passion came from the right place.

I have found that Vipassana doesn't kill the lustful urges, but rather makes them more dormant. In so doing, though, it allows greater access to feelings and intimacy, that are healthier, warmer, and more fun.

zenben72 | Sun, 05/26/2013 - 22:45