An unapologetic Experiment in Awakening

KikiVal's picture

Average: 4.8 (5 votes)

I have had a recent awakening. I think of Adyashanti talking about an "abiding awakening" vs. one that comes in fits and starts. Mine is of the second variety. Did I just belly-laugh? Gangaji (my other Guru) mentioned this phenomenon but it's rare for me. I have not met these teachers in person, so they are only literary gurus, so to speak. But I digress.

My point is, I am freshly experiencing things that I feel the need to post. I don't expect anyone to respond, but if they do, they'll be disappointed if looking for an argument. If I'm told that I just need to surrender and be One with everything I will know that's true but still post. If no one ever reads it I'll be happy and still post.

I feel absolutely compelled and think, This loosening of ego, this deconstruction of my personality, is not the Bliss I sought.

Everything seems perfect but on a surface level everything is so fucked up. Why am I so calm and detached, but when I think of my children I get so emotional that I'm overwhelmed with attachment?

Am I enlightened? Or is this a Manic episode?


Asanga's picture

BBL - Big Belly Laugh!

Go with manic! Its more fun!!!

I am, yet I am not...

Asanga | Fri, 05/31/2013 - 07:10
Tania's picture

Can you give more details

Can you give more details about that which happened to you (it is really insignificant the name we attach to it, whether it is kundalini outburst, satori (a glimpse of awakening, a taste), an ego-generated experience, a psychological disturbance and so on), the important is that which happened and where it took you.

I would also recommend you to read

Tania | Fri, 05/31/2013 - 15:21
KikiVal's picture

I've had many experiences

I've had many experiences one could describe as awakening, but I realize that those are just states of mind. Like most people, I have to work, hold a job, etc., so I frequently slip back into Ego.

Lately, however, the gaps between actually ~living~ Awakening are growing shorter and I feel infused with energy. This manifests as (what feels like) anxiety in my solar plexus, a tingling scalp, less need for food and sleep. Feels like more of the Universal Consciousness has slipped into me and my body is recalibrating, so to speak.

When I mentioned a Manic episode, I was referring to a condition of bipolar disorder, not schizophrenia, but I did find the link helpful and relevant. Thank you.

KikiVal | Sat, 06/01/2013 - 03:26
Asanga's picture

Divine Madness

The ancient Greeks believe in a divine sort of craziness. It came on in sacred fits. The god Dionysus had a hand in it. ;)

I am, yet I am not...

Asanga | Sat, 06/01/2013 - 05:50
KikiVal's picture

jealous of Dionysus

Yes, but he had the advantage of alcohol, while I am on court-ordered Probation! Is it scary that I'm crazier without alcohol than with it? J/K

KikiVal | Sun, 06/02/2013 - 03:55