“Tying up the Camel”

MAI's picture

Average: 5 (3 votes)


NOTHING changes
{pun intended}

What a paradox .

This Nothingness.

And this Change.

And yet,

Everything Changes…!!!

Even though
Nothing changes.

If truth be told, after the display of thunder, lightening and fireworks is over, all concepts, even of spirituality, fallen away, and how life, then works, or doesn’t, sometimes comes as a bit of a shock to the system.

Specially, when it seems, nothing’s changed.

None of my life’s so-called discordant notes, went away. They still played the same tune. Sometimes, going even more off-key than before..!! Exaggerated even.

In fact not just a bad concert, but a ludicrous cachaphony, rather satirical in nature, if not a downright tragedy!

Rather rudely, it brought me up short, face to face with, what I expected would happen.

Realisation of the emptiness, the nothingness, of this me, the other, {whoever that was, not excluding god and guru} , there was nothing left to be said, or done.

Simultaneously, having experienced the oneness with all life {including me, the other, and god and guru }, and the everythingness of that nothingness, all the energy, behind the drive, flat-ended, like the ECG , ^^^^^^^-------------, that declares, you’re kaput.

This was duly noted, thoroughly examined with the scrutinizing eyes of a Sherlock Holmes.

It was important to me, to be absolutely honest about it.

There was however, lurking in the background, a stillness, a quiet sense of noticing all this, an awareness, so subtle, a shy bud, peeping through the veil of the foliage surrounding it.
Slowly, gently, unfolding, not quite ready to blossom fully, not quite mature.

Change was happening, in the midst of what appeared as, “nothing’s changed”.

Barely noticeable. Could have easily passed, uncognised.

Not the circumstances of life, not the situations, not the people, not even me, with all my quirks and eccentricities and reactions. None of that. All that was still there. { And that’s where all my expectation came crashing down. Prettttyyyy frustrating, let me tell you}.

What did change, though, was this barely noticeable shift.

The locus had shifted.

A shift of identity.

A shift from identity.

From content, to simple awareness .

Somehow the content didn’t matter.

An underlying quietitude.
A peace.

From happenings in life,

To LIFE itself.

It came so softly, I was almost caught unaware..!!!

Oh don’t mistake me. After the initial blissed out state, came and went, there was still a matter of dealing with the content. No escape from that, however much wishful thinking there was.
However little it mattered, there was no getting away. It was there.

The “tying up the camel”, part, so to speak.

That still goes on to this day.

I have a sneaky suspicion, life’s polarity, the absolute, and the relative, were playing a game of tug-of-war.

Till they could peacfully co-exist....!!!

The locus had shifted….again

A shift of identity.

A shift from identity.

A shift to identity.

From content, to simple awareness, and back to content.

And that’s when I realized, that this was the eternal play.
The intertwined, interplay.

A “you” appearing, the world appearing,

A “you” disappearing, the world disappearing.

The eye, blinking.

A great peace prevailed.
A settling in, a settling down.

It is tough to come back {not that even that part had gone anywhere } to the relative realm, after basking, even hiding out in the beyond.

Much like having an out of body experience, and a reluctance to return.

Every aspect, that I’d shied away from dealing with, comes up for perusal. Just being truthful to myself about any situation, however trivial, brings with it, a tremendous sense of freedom.

As that awareness slowly percolates into every fiber of the fabric if my life, untying the knots, bleaching it colourless, so it might lie fallow, raw in its newness, or ready to take on a fresh hue, who knows ?

The steady stream of life was happening- the eternal flow.

Within it the play of opposites :

Birth and death

Joys and sorrow

Everthing and nothing

It suddenly struck me, LIFE, has no opposite…!!!

Death, is the opposite of birth, not life, as I had erroneously thought.

And what appears as the eternal flow wasn’t anything more than the individual moments, strung together, like flowers, little, fragrant jasmines, by the thread of life, to give it a sense of continuity.

The garland, dismantled, all that remained, were moments, each complete in itself. And then withering away, silently into the sunset. The life-span of a flower.

Quaintly meaningful, when strung together, yet strangely, quite meaningless, when dismantled.

And somehow, all of this doesn’t matter anymore.

One way or the other.
A calmness descends.
A relaxing.

Everything seems just right.
Oh, so right.

Nothing to be embraced,

Nothing to be pushed away.

“Nothing to be changed”.

All, just so right,
The way it is.

Moment to moment to moment.

A garland of jasmins.

Asanga's picture

Loved this

Candid, and lucid...

I am, yet I am not...

Asanga | Wed, 12/05/2012 - 04:59
MAI's picture

True to myself

Thank you Asanga.
Encapsulating, and journalling, as truthfully as I can.


MAI | Wed, 12/05/2012 - 05:04
Wayne's picture

Wonderfully put, I can add

Wonderfully put, I can add nothing to this..beautiful!

Wayne | Sun, 12/09/2012 - 08:36
MAI's picture

Thank you

Thank you Wayne.


MAI | Sun, 12/09/2012 - 11:58
MAI's picture


Adding something I read this morning, seems relevant to the original post. { And a little funny, while being a little sad }


-by Jeff Foster

I once dreamed
That I was asleep
And others were awake.

I felt small, inferior,
so far from home.

I woke up
And found myself in another dream
Where I was awake
And others were asleep.

I felt powerful, special,
so very enlightened.

I woke up from that dream
Into another dream
Where I had awakened from all dreams
(Even that dream)
And others had not.

I was finished, fully awake, finally home.

And then I woke up.

The dreams became recursive.
Dreams within dreams.
Dreams beyond dreams.
Dreams about not dreaming.
Harder and harder to wake up from.
Harder to stay asleep.

Was there a final dream?
An awakening with no possibility of it being a dream?
And wouldn't that be another dream?
And who would wake up from that?
Who would dream it?

Who was I,
beyond dreams and waking?

What was holding dreams of being asleep,
and dreams of being awake?

What saw no 'other'?

What was always already awake?

Beyond the dreamer and the dream,
Beyond the dream of the awakened dreamer,
Beyond all dreams of awakening,
And awakening from those dreams,

Beyond 'I am awake',
Beyond 'She is asleep',
Beyond 'He is dreaming',

There is the reading of these words.
There is this... breathing.
There is the beating of the heart.

There is this,
which cannot dream.
For it cannot sleep
and is forever awake.

Even in deep sleep.

Peace beyond words.

The final dream?


MAI | Sun, 12/09/2012 - 12:24
mbnarayana's picture

You appearing and the world

You appearing and the world appearing.you disappearing and the world disappearing.A great quote indeed.Aadi sankaras mayavada lucidly explained.THANKS

mbnarayana | Tue, 12/11/2012 - 12:12
MAI's picture

:-) :-)

Thank you, mbnarayana.


MAI | Thu, 12/13/2012 - 01:25