“The Song of the Snow Ranges”, Milarepa

madan_gautam's picture

Average: 4.3 (4 votes)

If one stays too long with friends
They will soon tire of him;
Living in such closeness leads to dislike and hate.
It is but human to expect and demand too much
When one dwells too long in companionship.


Phroggy's picture


And it may be worthwhile to ask oneself why this is so, but for fear of the mind, most will not. The basis of nearly all relationships is pretense, accomodation and compromise. That is, in order to get our needs fulfilled in relationship, we must fulfil the other's needs. It may be as gross as playing a role for the other, pretending to be someone we are not, or as subtle as being in the right mood or laughing at the right time.

There is a tension that forms when we are not permitted to be ourselves; to express ourselves freely and openly without fear of rejection or condemnation. This tension builds over time so that it's a relief to be alone for a while and not have to accomodate anyone's needs.

The strongest relationship is one in which there are no needs or expectations, just gratitude for the ability to freely express and to enjoy the free expression of others.

Phroggy | Sat, 01/17/2009 - 06:35
Omkaradatta's picture

I'll go so far as to say...

"There is a tension that forms when we are not permitted to be ourselves;"

I'll go so far as to say that nothing ever stops us from being ourselves -- 'cept mebbe our own attachments. Oftentimes if we *do* "be ourselves" in spite of it all, the other party will follow suit too, at least partially.

The 'me' cares about its image in the other's eyes. That's a lot different than caring about the other, eh?


Omkaradatta | Sat, 01/17/2009 - 07:06
Phroggy's picture


Sure, the attachment is to being loved, accepted, appreciated, admired, etc, which is almost always there in any relationship, and yet all folks really want is to be able to be themselves without rejection, which IS love, acceptance, appreciation. The irony is that folks will try to be somebody else in order to be accepted for who they are.

Phroggy | Sat, 01/17/2009 - 20:56
Omkaradatta's picture


Another irony is that if we're attached to being loved, accepted, appreciated and admired, then so is the other guy. Each of us are paying attention to ourselves... who is loving, accepting or appreciating who? The ego cannot get its mind off itself ;-).

In spirituality, we tell the ego to put its mind/heart onto itself and keep it there. The results can be surprising.


Omkaradatta | Sun, 01/18/2009 - 05:25