The Song Of Raindrops Flowing Down My Cheeks......

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I sought that intimacy all my life.....

With "the other"......

It never happened.....

Then the other day.......for the first time......

The moment of being alone.....together.....

And nothing......

Oh.......how I'd set myself up.......

Of what it would feel like......look like......

I was stunned by the simplicity of this ease of being......

It had been there all along......

And in that moment of intimacy......I was gone.....

Ashes to ashes.....dust to dust.....

Tears......

Looking for an idea.....

Of how it should be......

After years of being surrounded by a million people.....

For the first together alone......

And I looked for a pretty dress, in the wardrobe......

I wondered why there was no quickening of breath......
Considering I had longed for this moment, most of my life......

All those years.......when I'd be on my feet, awake at night......

Prepping.....cutting.....chopping.....sautéing.....setting things up....

Loading the refrigerator......ready to assemble and start cooking.....early the next morning.......

The whole world, was always invited......

And the table set.....pretty with candles......

The flowers dotting every corner of the room.....

And the chairs laid out on green lawns, in a lush garden.....

And just time enough for a little kajal in my eyes.....

Never alone......together.....

My heart would cry.....

Can it not be.....just you and I.....

And I drowned in my own existential angst......
Constant refrains of.......
Oh.....if only this was not so......
If only this was not so......

And I'd wander into the garden.......
Only to see flowers bloom in the morning.......
And die by night........

And then the moment arrived......

And I laughed like a kid......

And watched the other tables being filled.....

And spoke of this and that.....

And was quiet.....

Listening to the night sounds.....reverberating in the air......

Aaaaahhhhhhh.......

This......
This......
This........

What the heck had I been looking for.......

It was always there.......

This intimacy.......

There never was any other.....
"The other", was me........

Never separate from life....
There never was any breach.....

Falling into and through myself......
The myriad facets, light unfolds.....

Like a precious gem, glittering in it's empty delight....
Reflecting rainbow colours
Together.....alone.....

We've always been alone, together......

Even amidst.......
Crowds......
And inane conversations......
On half-moon nights.....

While cutting the carrots and the beans......
Lilting songs on the radio.......
Playing in the background all night......

And when my nails were chipped with getting my hands dirty in the soil....

Planting beds of Nasturtiums......

And stringing up trails of Sweet Peas.....on bamboo stakes......

For the garden to look just like it did on those nights.....

A-finger tasting test.....and appreciating the fish in lemon cream......
And the jelly molded salad, a colourful delight......

And sleep deprived with hectic days.....
And all manner of sultry chores.......
Long lines of laundry......hung in the sun......

What more was I looking for......
Other than this.....

Together alone......
This balmy night......

An ease of being......
With all of life......

Laid to rest the constant refrain.......
Of oh.....if only this was not so......

A broken wide open heart.......

And the whole world whistled through it like a cool breeze.....

Feeling more deeply.....oh how I longed to be happy......shunning tears.....

Tears.....of joy and sorrow.....
Shimmered on her cheeks......
And wetness laughed and cried.....
All the way to the sea.....

The song of raindrops flowing down my cheeks......

" It is a bittersweet glow that sweeps you into the folds of itself and laughs and weeps with abandon....."

Aaaaahhhhhhh........

Life.......

It Is.......
Just so.......