The Parsley Patch

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It isn't a god thang....

I grew up in a family with no religious persuasions.....
Then my mom....suddenly out of the blue....with a bunch of friends....gravitated towards a guru....
For them....he was god....
I was 16 when I saw that happen....and had a healthy skepticism of a typical teenager that looked for logical explanations....even for the miracles that I saw happening all around a few of these lovely ladies....

Life plays itself out so beautifully.....
Organically.....
It simply does itself....

Though not being brought up with god or prayer.....growing up....born into a not too traditional, so called Hindu family....having studied in convents all my life and staying in the hostel.....after studies....found myself gravitating to the chapel.....and sitting there for hours on end.....no prayers....have never prayed a day in my life....
Just so absorbed.....subsumed... in the simple ecstasy of just being.....

And later in college....except for seeing my grandmother performing some daily rituals....I would sit at the foot of her bed when each morning....after giving my grandparents their morning tea..( I stayed with them for a bit...) .....and watch her listen to devotional songs on the radio......
Eyes sparkling welling up...dripping with love.....tears flowing down her cheeks....

It was a longing.....a yearning....for the other.......
All I saw was the ecstatic love pouring through.....

And by and by, came a time when my own life lay crumbled at my feet.....
At a bit over thirty or so....
And I turned to my mother's guru.....
In the deepest agony.....
Knowing not who or why or what....
Life was all about.....
But someone's gotta know.....

LOL....
Oh tears.....

And suddenly it came to pass....
In one fell swoop....
I and the other were gone.....
And love.....
Aaaahhhh love.....
I was shocked to see that go too.....
The very fire that kept me and the other alive.....
And the cinders were carried away on the wind.....
Leaving a dance on footless feet....
And a song.....
On hollowed lips....
Ever the first....
And the last kiss.....
Writing and self erasing itself.....
Flowing.....
Mellifluously .....

This cannot be forced.....
Nor brought about.....
By methods and practises.....
Nor is it an intellectual understanding.....

It couldn't have been any other way......

It just happened....
So ......

Many, mistakenly believe this to be atheism ....
Which it is not.....
Atheism .....still a belief.....in no god.....
Just the opposite of this god thang....

And when all thinginess goes.....
And the holder of it too.....

All awash in sheer wonderment.....

And aaaaaahhhhhhh......

You find you'd been in love.....
With your own love and emptiness.....

Without the separation this could not have been seen....

You the lover and the beloved and the love between....
This intuited unicity....

The awe of simply being....