The Light That Guided Moses

mukundan P.R.'s picture

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I was living with my family at Oyur in Kollam district. My husband Sri Mathaikutty did contract work in our locality. I have three children, two sons and a daughter. We Christians have a practice; whatever we cultivate, the first harvest would be offered to the Lord. Whether it is mangoes, jackfruit or anything else, my mind was to give the first fruit to the Church. When I was carrying my first child, I resolved that I would give it for the work of God. I delivered a boy. He was very beautiful. I felt that he was indeed God’s child. A few of our neighbours too said that he was a special child.

Those days, some spiritual changes took place in me. A thought came to me often that the truth of God exists somewhere; but I had no way to find it or to know about it. Some time passed like this. Then I began to undergo some trouble. I was ill, but did not know the cause. The very smell or sight of food made me sick. When our prayers and all other remedies failed, my husband said that now our hope was only a good doctor. Our family friends mentioned about a doctor in Trivandrum Medical College. His name was Dr. Ramakrishnan. They said that the doctor had some holistic accomplishments. So, we decided to go to Trivandrum Medical College and meet with the doctor.
The doctor was unable to diagnose the disease even after conducting many tests; therefore, the treatment became a problem. We did even scanning to find out if there was cancer, but nothing helped. The doctor advised us to pray. We came to know that he was the follower of a Guru. Before proceeding to treat me, he prayed and told us about Guru’s guidance. However, we were not interested in the Guru or in the spiritual topics that he mentioned. We were Christians and it was against our belief to worship other deities or gurus. The doctor continued his treatment, but there was no improvement. Sometimes, he gave us Ayurvedic medicines too, which he brought from Santhigiri Ashram. He gave us medicines after praying to the Guru. Probably, he had mentioned about my case to the Guru.

The doctor advised us to meet with the Guru on many occasions during the treatment. However, I did not listen to his counsel. I said it was against our belief to worship a human being. There was no improvement in my health. After about eight months of treatment, the illness became severe. The doctor mentioned that medical treatment was no more helpful. He again advised us to meet with the Guru, as that was the only hope left. I told him that I would believe only if I got some experiences.

I was discharged from the hospital and we came home. There was no hope now. My condition became severe. I thought of my young children and prayed to God: ‘You should give back my health for the sake of my little children’. I was not prepared to die leaving my husband and the small children at the mercy of bad fate. However, no help came. I knew that my end was coming. As usual, my husband had left for his workplace, which was not very far from the house. I felt a desire to see my husband. At the same moment, my husband too felt the desire to see me. Leaving his work, he came running to the house and saw me lying motionless on the bed. My pulse had stopped. He dripped some water into my mouth. By the time, I had lost consciousness and slipped into oblivion.

I saw a shade going out of my body. I realized that it was my soul going out of the body. Suddenly an old man caught the shadow and brought it back to my body. He held my children and me strongly within his arms. He looked so concerned about us and held us tightly. His colour was bright like that of a red rose and he wore white garments. A divine fragrance rose from him. I began to wonder; who is this man who was so concerned about us and trying to protect us? For a moment, I thought it might be Sri Narayana Guru, but then I knew it was not he. Soon I was awake and began to feel better. I remembered the doctor and his words. I told my husband about the experience I had. He listened silently. Now I had the desire to visit the place once, if not the Guru.

After a long time, I felt normal and was free from the mysterious affliction. The third day we called a taxi and went to visit Santhigiri Ashram at Pothencode. It was the month of September or October in 1984. We spotted the small Ashram situated in a serene atmosphere. A few devotees guided us into the Ashram. When I entered inside, suddenly I heard a voice:
‘Guru is the Light which Moses saw’.

I went in front of the Guru and stood there silently. I did not want to prostrate before Him as others did, because our religion has taught us not to worship any other deity than Jesus Christ. I thought it would be wrong to prostrate before a living person. My husband nudged me standing near, but I did not bow before the Guru. Guru looked at me and smiled but I tried to avoid His gaze. After the introduction, we came out from the Guru’s room.

The doctor who treated me had also come to the Ashram that day. He came and said that we should meet Guru before we went home. Accordingly, after spending some time in the Ashram, we went in front of Guru for getting his consent to go home. Guru looked at me and said:

‘You should believe only if you have experience’.

Suddenly, a veil was lifted; I realized that the person sitting in front of me was the same who brought me back to life and held my children and me tightly with so much love and concern. We left the Ashram and the presence of Guru. An indefinable solemn emotion welled up inside me. The images of several of my past births with the Guru began to flash through my mind. I realized that I had lived with Guru in so many births and the present birth was the fulfilment of the work of all those past lives. That night I slept soundly for long hours. I was basking in the ways of divine joy. I prayed to Jesus and wondered whether I was losing him, because the truth of Guru was so apparent. My feelings became uncontrollable and I again fell ill. Therefore, we decided to go and see Guru again the same week.

It took me almost two years for the transition to the new faith. My surrender to Guru was total. When we began going to the Ashram, all the people in our locality began to persecute us including the Church. Our life was in danger. When we informed this to Guru, He said that the danger was real. He asked us to leave everything and settle down in the Ashram. He promised that He would take care of our life. Although my husband liked Guru, it took almost six years to obey the words of Guru and settle down in the Ashram. We began to live in the Ashram under the Guru’s protection. Then my name was Elia. Guru gave me a new name and rechristened me as Mary. Guru gave me vision and filled my soul with wonderful spiritual experiences.

When my son Jayan Mathew was about eight years old, he suffered an attack of tetanus and polio. We had by then turned to the faith of Guru. When his condition became severe, we brought him to the Ashram. He was admitted in the Ashram hospital on the Guru’s advice. The treatment continued for a year, exactly 365 days. He got his life back only because of Guru. When we wanted to take him back home, Guru called me and said:

‘Do you know the background of his disease and its seriousness? You leave him in the Ashram, it is God’s Will. Mary! You know it. You should do it. You must do it’.
Guru repeated the last words three times. Then I remembered my earlier resolve that my first son would be gifted to God. That desire was fulfilled in an unimaginable way. Jayan Mathew is now Swami Chittasuddhan Jnana Thapaswi. He was initiated into the order of sanyasis in the Ashram and I am happy that he has become a part of the Guru’s mission. My husband and younger children, Binoy and Beena, are also in the service of Guru in the Ashram. Everything happened as was destined.

Mary Mathaikutty

Kanjampara, Santhigiri P.O.,
Trivandrum, Kerala