Learning to love ourselves,self-sabotage and perfectionism...

hmmm's picture

Average: 4.6 (5 votes)

When people used to tell me I had to learn to love myself,I used to think it was a load of new age mumbo jumbo,but in recent years,have realised how vital,it actually is to develop a loving attitude and relationship with our own souls!If there was an eleventh commandment,I feel it might well be to love ourselves as God loves us.
Too much self-loathing and not forgiving ourselves for our errors and imperfections can actually seperate,rather than unite us with Great Spirit,I have found.It can create depression and stop us from fulfilling our true potential.
It can make us physically ill,or even lead to serious eating disorders or self-harming.

Many of us have grown up with overtly critical parents and we carry that throughout our lives if we do not consciously learn to silence those critical voices in our heads or in our deep subconsciousness.

I sometimes read the tarot cards for people and have seen this pattern in many,many people.The devil card for me symbollises self-sabotage and guilt,which holds the soul a prisoner in self-created chains.It teaches that we are our own worst enemies,holding ourselves to ransom for past mistakes and therefore limiting our souls manifestation as the wonderful,beautiful,inherently perfect creation,that it actually is.
My guru once looked directly into my eyes and very pointedly stated that "guilt is a useless emotion!"He could see so clearly with his loving,transcendental vision,that I was so weighed down with guilt,I had virtually paralysed myself!Its there for self-correction,feel it and move on,don't end up drowning in it!

I say to people who are too hard on themselves,imagine your soul as a small child,would you treat that child with such contempt and lack of forgiveness,whenever it is naughty?They usually say,"no,of course not!" and I say,well please speak to your own soul as you would to that child,in future!

It actually works wonders to treat our selves with tenderness,forgiveness,love and compassion and humour too,never forget the humour!
Ive also found that we will often treat others as we treat ourselves and when Im being angry and intolerant with my own weaknesses and faults,I start to externalise that in my dealings with other people.

When I hear God's voice from within,he tells me not to hate myself,funnily enough!He tells me not to insult him/her by believing myself to be imperfect and to learn to see myself through his eyes.When I meditated on that,it really blew my mind and I just felt all this incredible love flooding through me.

Im glad that Tiru from India somehow reminded me about all of this today,because I do forget and fall back into those old patterns which I am trying to replace with a more positive approach towards myself and my writing and general attitude to what I perceive as my failings.

An astrologer once told me that I had "the wounded healer" aspect very strongly in my chart and that as I learned to heal my own wounds,I would be able to show others how to also heal theirs.I think that is probably what my writing is all about,really.My wounds are definitely healing,I can feel that happening more and more as I progress through my life.The scars are probably still visible,but hey none of us are perfect-or are we?!

As always when I write a blog,I realise there is so much more to say on the subject and might continue this theme somewhere else.For now,I wish all my brothers and sisters who share in the same kind of trials and tribulations,all the very best in their own quests and inner journeys back to wholeness and self-acceptance and love.

One thing I never doubt is the power of love and compassion,both for ourselves and others.It works where all else fails.The king and queen of all emotions!

happy's picture

Self criticism is the most harmful of all

"When people used to tell me I had to learn to love myself,I used to think it was a load of new age mumbo jumbo,but in recent years,have realised how vital,it actually is to develop a loving attitude and relationship with our own souls!"

I had the same reaction, in my case, towards forgiveness. When told to practice it, I felt it is a new age rubbish and only later after a few years experienced something that led me to the understanding of the importance of that.

This is the reason why they say that timing is everything. Things happen when we are ready for them. People can tell us whatever they want, we can read about it 100 times in books but if we cannot relate to it from within, it is useless.

Another relevant issue: when I started observing body sensations (Vipassana) that reflect emotions, I noticed that the most devastating of all emotions is self criticism. I advise everyone to scan their bodies for sensations when they happen to be in the midst of self criticsm about something. You will be terrified by the painful vibrations, it usually feels like unpleasant electricity in the head.

Unfortunately, in recent years I fail to feel this wonderful emotion of love, including love to myself, as I did before. Do you have a suggestion what I may do to heal this?

happy | Tue, 01/19/2010 - 19:04
hmmm's picture


One of the most powerful moments for me when I asked God to show me myself,in his eyes.I had an immediate response and suddenly was aware of being looked at with so much love,it completely overwhelmed me and I tears just fell from my eyes as that love flooded through me and nothing else exsisted,all my thoughts of who and what I am just dissolved into this vast ocean and all I knew for certain was that I was loved!Made of that love,created by it and bound to return to it,however long it takes.

Meanwhile,back in the real world...!!Of course I don't spend every moment in that divine love consciousness,but I know its there and all I have to do is remember it and it returns,however briefly,to remind me what truly lies in the innermost core of my being,Everything else is probably an illusion,if the truth be known but our minds do seem to complicate things and if our thoughts are not aligned with innermost core,we easily lose touch with it and define ourselves,either in worldly terms or with cold critical contempt.

I don't claim to have any solutions,all I can do is pass on whatever has helped me in my quest to rediscover my truest self and become more loving both to myself and others.

I also find just completely relaxing and not trying too hard to achieve this and that,seems to work better than anything sometimes!Without realising it,I get so serious and intense about it all and drive myself(and probably God too)crazy with my desire to be a better person,do this,not do that etc etc!At these times I feel like God tells me just to remember I am loved whether I achieve great things or not!

You are so right about the amount of pain self-critisism can create in us!People spend alot of time worrying about the toxins in food,the atmosphere etc and yet fill themselves with toxic emotions!This probably creates more illnesses than any other factor,I believe.Toxic emotions are things like hatred,bitterness,unexpressed anger,resentment,jealousy,judgementalism and obviously guilt and self-hatred,dont really help,either.
I think thats why forgiveness is important-not just for the person being forgiven but the one feeling it, also.We rid ourselves of emotional toxicity with forgiveness-and that includes forgiving ourselves.

I know all these things but that doesn't mean I can always practice them!And that's where prayer comes into the picture,I guess.I go as far as I can with my own power and then I have to ask for some help!That's when I just have to surrender and allow the greater power to bestow its blessings on me.Sometimes that will come in my dreams,when my conscious mind is resting,I often receive the answers and healing,Im needing.

So,maybe you just need to relax and sleep more!

Best of luck Happy and thank you so much for sharing your own wisdom and insights about this subject-it really inspired me!

hmmm | Tue, 01/19/2010 - 23:49
Moonlight Bright's picture

Where did you get the picture of the moon?


I was just wondering where you got the image of the moon and the waterfall you are displaying here? I would really like to use it for my band Moonlight Bright's webpage. I've got an album called 'Moonvale' I am putting out that would fit it perfectly.

Also curious about the wounded healer thing as it relates to astrology. I assume they were referring to your Chiron? Do you recall if they gave any specifics?


Moonlight Bright | Thu, 10/04/2012 - 05:33
hmmm's picture

Picture of the moon

Hi Brian-thanks for the positive feedback!I really can't remember where I found the moon pic but if you click on it there should be some kind of info,I think?Not very computer savvy so am not sure how these things work.

Yes the astrologer was pertaining to my Chiron but I don't remember much more than what I wrote as it was a long time ago!Possibly it related to my moon in Aquarius or another planet in my chart.Not much use really,am I??!

Best wishes

hmmm | Fri, 10/05/2012 - 19:25
MAI's picture

Loving oneself

Dear hmmm,
Thank you for an absolutely delightful blog. The love and warmth and compassion that you hold in your heart shines through like the light of a million suns.
I am sure it comforts you and all the lives that you touch.It did me.
I loved your interpretion of the Devil card in the tarot.
Deeply insightful.


MAI | Fri, 10/05/2012 - 01:49
hmmm's picture

Thanks Mai!

Glad you liked the blog Mai thanks for your lovely comments,which I find so encouraging!

hmmm | Fri, 10/05/2012 - 19:18
jawala1969's picture

Just what I'm dealing with....

Thank you so much, hmmm. This blog post is just what I needed. I will refer to it often in the coming months, I'm sure.

jawala1969 | Sat, 11/03/2012 - 03:02