If you fail to accept, accept the failure

erez's picture

Average: 4.3 (6 votes)

I have read once a short emphasized warning made by Riktam Kantu:

If you fail to accept, accept the failure.

Here is my understanding of this saying:

To accept totally "whatever is" is sometimes a hard work. Most frequently we find ourselves incapable of accepting fully a certain deep-rooted pain-inflictive strong emotion, for example.

This is natural, we keep on trying and finally succeed.

But meanwhile unnoticeably, a consequent powerful emotion is creeping silently into the scene: the frustration of not being able to accept this emotion.

As part of our practice of awareness, we sometimes tend to overlook these consequent feelings built on top of events of the awareness process itself. This tacit frustration of failing to accept is such a consequent feeling and it can be very annoying and pose an obstacle in our process.

Therefore, if you failed to accept, at least be alert to notice your feeling of failure and accept this failure, after all this is now your current "what is".

Phroggy's picture

Trying to accept? Hmmmm......

Yes indeedy.
What caught my attention was your comment that we keep trying to accept and finally succeed. Acceptance and surrender are two perspectives of the same 'event' and they don't come about through effort to surrender but through a ceasing of the effort that constitutes the resistance already happening. If you see it resulting from the understanding that comes from the effort to understand then I will agree.

Sometimes mind releases it's grip because it comes to some clarity about the situation which makes struggle seem silly or unfruitful or self destructive or simply fasle or whatever it might be, and sometimes surrender/acceptance comes about because the balance has suddenly tipped and the effort expended to hold the struggle in place is greater than the benefit we get from our resistance, but acceptance is never a choice that ego can bring about.


Phroggy | Mon, 08/11/2008 - 05:17
erez's picture

we mean the same thing, it is just semantics

We mean the same thing, it is just semantics.

I am differentiating between the terms "effort" and "doing".

I use the term "effort" for the initial changing in real-time of any of the mind's habitual automatic reaction paterns. As the current default conduct of a standart unaware person is governed completely by the mind's reaction patterns, any trial to change these patterns means "effort".

One of the prime reaction patterns of the mind is resistance to whatever is unpleasant. It deeply believes that by resistance it will manage to chase the unpleasant thing away while actualy it only strenghten this thing and forces it to move to beyond the scope of the radar screens. This is the tragedy.

BTW, except of this initial change of the mind's patterns, I am usually not in favor of "effort" since it usually brings conflict and thus only strenghten the mind.

As to "doing" - indeed, surrender, acceptance and even observation are different attributes of the very same thing (let's call it "awareness") and this thing is not doing but the ceasing of doing, the ceasing of the doing of resistence.

erez | Mon, 08/11/2008 - 05:49
Phroggy's picture

Pulling a habbit out of a hat

Hi Erez
Yeah, I suspected there was just a miscommunication, but now there's clarity, so that's a good thingy.

"I use the term "effort" for the initial changing in real-time of any of the mind's habitual automatic reaction paterns. As the current default conduct of a standart unaware person is governed completely by the mind's reaction patterns, any trial to change these patterns means "effort"."

Yes, the patterns arise from unawareness, and so the one who would change these patterns is the one who is unaware. To be aware of unconscious patterns is to dissolve them in awareness. The effort to change them is something else.

I'm starting to look at the whole notion of mind cleaving itself in two and one half trying to change the habitual patterns of the other half, as a continuation of those unconscious, delusional patterns. All patterns of mind happen because mind wants them to happen. Unconscious simply means consciously ignored. It's not really possible to lie to ourselves.

All mental 'programming' is quite purposeful. We program ourselves in physical and mental patterns so that we don't have to place our full conscious awareness on mundane things such as walking, or scary things such as denial or projection. Mind is never unaware of these things, which would amount to a loss of control, it just ignores them as a means of increasing control.

Likewise, 'effortful' directing of thoughts such as positive thinking is a little game of pretending to see some thoughts and to not see others, which is not the bringing of unconscious material to the surface, but rather the formation of more uncosciousness. The attempt to control habits is the denial of responsibility and the pretense of control and virtue.


Phroggy | Mon, 08/11/2008 - 19:23
maeszi's picture


Acceptance is to learn from your actions. Acceptance can also cahnge you for the better.

maeszi | Mon, 08/06/2012 - 09:15
robert's picture

Acceptance is something else

It is extremely important to emphasize the precise meaning of acceptance which is very simple, there is no need to incorporate on it other meanings because doing so will disable from the acceptance all its power - acceptance has nothing to do with learning nor necessarily with changing yourself - acceptance is simply a type of reaction which is the opposite of the default pattern of reaction of the mind (resistance) - when pain for example is rising, acceptance means that you do not try to avoid it or fight it but rather observe it and allow it to be there.

robert | Mon, 08/06/2012 - 09:25
Jasmin's picture

Extremely important

Now you say it? Couldn't you give me this hint years back? :-)

I was fighting with my inability to accept certain things for years cultivating more resistance within without even noticing that I am not accepting my inability to accept. I know that I'm not alone in that - this advice therefore is extremely important.

PS. Even after realizing this, one has to remind himself about this every now and then because the automatic patterns of the mind are still influenced by the old conditioning of resistance.

Jasmin | Sat, 04/24/2010 - 15:49