How can I motivate myself to work hard?

Kavita Mannan's picture

Average: 5 (2 votes)

Introduction: I am 30 years of age, male & work for an IT company.

Background - I come from a lower class family. I have seen times when my father did not have money to feed us. I have seen people standing at our door, shouting at my father to return the money he had borrowed from them. I have been working since I was 17. My school fee was paid through some NGO. I had to literally go and stand at some senior person’s door for hours to get his signature on my “Scholarship Form”. At time I have slept hungry to save some money. I have spent countless nights because of pain in my teeth, have lost two of them now. Never had money to get them treated. I started off as a sales boy in a clothes showroom. I never went to a college after my 12th standard. I used to work through out the year, and only could took out time for appearing for my exams. This is how I completed my graduation in commerce. I walked straight 10 kms to appear for my first interview, had boils at the end of this journey. Fortunately, cleared the interview and things started changing for me. Gradually I have made progress in my career, so much so that I own a car now. It has been a long journey.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my obvious financial problems. I still love her and miss her. I am 6′1 and those days my weight went down to 48 kgs. I went into depression. I did not have money, the girl I loved left me for some other guy.

There were times when I wanted to kill myself, no kidding. I literally was few seconds away from killing myself. Not once, twice, thrice but many times. One thing that has kept me alive and kicking is The Bonding with my parents. I can’t see them in pain. It kills me from inside to even think about those days when they struggled to keep our lives going.

Other thing, that has kept me going is the will to not give up. I am glad that I did not give up. I knew that was not my destiny, I knew I could do something good with myself. I am in a far better situation today.

However, this is not the end of my story, certainly not the happy one.

Things begin to settle down starting 2011 professionally. I started to gain weight, I am better than an average looking Indian male. Girls, still find me attractive. One such girl found me attractive around 2012–2013, we began talking. I was still trying to deal with my first love and this girl came as a huge relief and diversion. Things started looking good. Eventually, we fell in love. We were of different castes. I thought I was ready to get married. I tried talking to my parents and family before proposing her. My parents have been the strongest pillars of my life. We are a pure vegetarian family and this girl was one hardcore non-vegetarian. My parents still gave me their blessings. Yes, they love me and I love them too!!

Wedding date was decided, and things began changing. She started dominating. She suddenly started having problems with my bonding with my family. She always knew that I did not come from a very financially sound background. Suddenly, she started feeling insecure about our future since my parents did not have any money. I thought she is just scared, she will settle down. We got married, and it has been 3 years now. Things have gotten worst. My parents do not stay with me, they live in our home town. They do visit us occasionally. My father is 60 now, I want them to stay with us but I do not want them to face things which I am facing. They do have a hint that things are not that great between us, but hopefully they do not know to what extent.

I feel like I am going into depression. I don’t want to go for divorce since this would again make my parents vulnerable to our relatives torture. They had to face quite bad things when they stood with me when I wanted to get married to this girl. I again cry a lot. I thought my bad days were over when my journey of 10 years brought me to my current job, but I think I was wrong, insanely wrong.

I still am not giving up. I won’t give up. I try harder every day to keep her happy. I try harder to hide all of this from my parents when I talk to them daily(I call them twice a day, it has been my routine since last 8 years. It is a short but mandatory call to ensure that all of us are safe and sound). I am hopeful that one day all of this will end. After all, IF IT IS NOT HAPPY, IT CAN NOT BE YOUR END!!!

I hope, after reading this, your class 9th results won’t matter to you anymore. Life is much more than class 9th. Go, make some memories. Live your life!!!

EDIT 1: This is magic :) !! I have not experienced so much of positive energy and love since quite a while now. Thank you so much. Wish I could hug each one of you and say “Thank you”!!! After going through my answer I again I realized that I have focused on the negatives and that is not fair with my “Life”. She will feel bad. So here I am, sharing some positives and some very important mile stones of my life!!

Below are some pages from my personal diary, these dates back to years 2007–2008–2009.

This was the list I had prepared when I did not have money to buy me some food. You might think why does he have “Casual Clothes”, “Shoes”, “Sunglasses” in his “I would love to have” list.

Clothes - In those days I could not buy new clothes. In fact, I did not buy a single clothe over a period of 10 years or so. All my clothes were used clothes which were given to me by my cousins. I had two/three not so old shirts which I used for interviews.
Shoes - Same goes with my shoes. I could not buy a single pair of shoes over a period of more than 10 years. I used to roam around in sleepers when I was not giving interviews or not in office. I had a relatively new pair of shoes which was used in interviews, offices or any other formal gatherings.
Sunglasses - I love them. I always thought I look good and I will look even better with sunglasses. :P !!
My Attitude - This attitude has what kept me going. I never wanted to give up. I never bowed down in front of anyone. I was never into licking or buttering people to get my work done.
Superbike - Yes, I was crazy for bikes. I still am.
Suits - Like I told you, I did not have clothes and how I felt I look good. I liked to imagine myself wearing suits, the expensive ones :) !!