Guru Love - Pain is going away now that I'm home.

Gilana's picture

Average: 4.5 (4 votes)

A couple of years ago I told my Guru that I wanted to go home. The cry came from my heart and the words were out of my mouth before I heard them in my head.

Since then, I've been falling in love with him more and more.

Because of the love, I finally gave his assertion that I am not the final authority...queen/king of the world, the "decider." I never thought I was head decider, but I did reserve the option of giving my 2 cents to anybody who asked and especially about my own experience. Now I see there is no sense in doing that because the possibilites of meaning for the very smallest of actions are infinite, that I will never know more than two of those meanings anyway or maybe less, and that even if I could somehow know all of the meaning behind an action and their outcomes, I still couldn't say what they would mean to the rest of existence. Therefore, "good or bad"?

Maybe there's something going on that I don't know about (unbeliveable as THAT seems.)

So, maybe everthing is ACTUALLY all right!!? Maybe the very best is happening, even when it seems bad to me? Because love is growing, I can say that maybe the real decider is doing a good job at working all of this out.

Because love is growing, I might be able to step back and let things happen, trusting that they are in God's hands, competant hands. Even when they are not working out how I would have ordered it. Even when they go badly for me, maybe they are going right for everything else and, so, ultimately are going right for me, too.

Because love is growing, I am compelled to call my Guru "home." Love has tipped the floor in his direction, and I find that I am so happy to live in his straight-forward, uncompromising devotion, in his clear, uncomplicated energy, in his shining-soft love. Confusion is slowing down, happiness, comfort, devotion are happening all by themselves--to my consternation. When I fall, it's not so far...there's a pillow under me that is keeping me from slamming into the concrete (again.) I'm content. Even happy. (I feel like I'm cheating...I am up against problems more severe than I ever imagined I would be in life. Shouldn't I be more upset? Worried? Confused?) oh,well.

I love this love thing.