Greetings fellow earthlings!

hmmm's picture

Average: 4.9 (17 votes)

Hello to anyone who happens to read my blog!I found this excellent website,when I looked for somewhere that discussed the use of MDMA!
I also happen to be a fairly spiritual person,so was very happy to find this site!

Ive got lots to share and wouldnt know where to begin,quite honestly,so maybe I will try and explain why Im interested in the subject of mdma!

Well,Ive suffered with a profound sadness in my soul for many long years.I find my heart heavy with sorrow,when confronted by the darkness in human nature,cruelty to others,to gods creatures and mother earth herself.
The list seems endless,Im sure I dont need to go into great detail!I weep every day and sometimes,well,I just long to experience joy in my heart,once again!
I do my best to keep going and not to lose faith,in the higher side of human nature-which thankfully,also exsists but at times Im simply overwhelmed by the sheer volume of ignorance and suffering,I witness.

I had an amazing Guru-known as Jayatirtha,Tirthapada,Vijaya Acharya.Tirtha means place of shelter,I think.
Anyway he was originally a guru in the Hare Krishna movement and then left to pursue his own colourful and contraversial path.He believed certain substances could be used to enhance ones spiritual experience.The word psychedelic,actually translates from greek to mean soul manifesting.
I certainly enjoyed my experiences during that period in my life,though I no longer feel the need for psychedelics!
There are dangers involved in all forms of drug taking and Id never advocate it for everyone,but some of us are drawn to that element of life on earth,and it doesnt always cause harm,either.
Unfortunately in my beautiful gurus case,one of his followers went completely crazy and murdered him in 1987.

Sound a bit intense,I guess,but as I dont believe in death,Ive experienced his ongoing presence and know hes very much alive and well,dynamic,colourful and creative as always and works behind the scenes with a deep and abiding love and compassion for the healing and upliftment of the earth and its inhabitants!

Ive tried MDMA a few times and it feels more like a medicine for the soul than a drug.It works on the emotions in a way that nothing else does and brings a wonderful sense of contentment and love of life and oneself.It positivises thoughts and feelings and anxieties seem to disappear for the duration.I enjoy everything Im doing,movement,taking a bath,cooking,eating-whatever I do feels good.Its so nice to experience how good life can feel and for someone like myself,who mostly finds it burdensome and filled with material anxieties,it really is a complete and utter tonic which gives me the sense of inner bliss.I crave and the positivity stays with me for weeks afterwards.

I rarely take any because its becoming outlawed by the powers that be,for some strange reason and its virtually impossible to find,nowadays.I feel a bit pissed off that I finally find something that really helps my depression and "they" wont let me have it!

Funny how alcohol which wreaks havoc on so many lives is legal and yet something that can bring about a very positive effect,feelings of love and unity with others is banned!

As far as Im concerned they are denying the world a powerful medicine,that when used wisely and respectfully can actually heal us emotionally and psychologically.

As for arguments about whether it can bring us closer to God,well,when I feel relaxed,full of loving emotions and laughter bubbling up from deep inside,yes I do feel Gods presence within all of that,somehow and whose to say that certain inventions or formulas are not in fact inspired by the supreme creator him/herself?!Because he loves us and wants us to experience happiness and love for one another and ourselves!Drugs or no drugs,lets just hope we all get there and the earth becomes a peaceful,happier place for one and all!

leo's picture

Insightful text!

Dear Katerina - this is one of the most incredible posts I have read for a long time - genuine, wise, touching and insightful. Thank you so much for sharing this.

I know quite a few with similar accounts whom MDMA proved a blessing also in their case. There is a serious global scientific movement nowadays in many countries which returns MDMA to psychological treatments in a careful way and makes it a government-approved prescription medicine. It is mainly coordinated by MAPS ( and it proves to have a tremendous benefit in cases of post trauma. It is used for such cases in Israel, Jordan, Canada, USA and more.

A questions:

I didn't understand what was the name of your late guru. You wrote "Jayatirtha,Tirthapada,Vijaya Achary" with commas, is it Jayatirtha or the whole text? Where can I read details about him? He sounds interesting, are there books or texts of him?

PS. I think it will be very valuable if you put a comment pointing to this post in the MDMA forum or post the whole text there. Also I would recommend to put a tag here with "MDMA" so that people will get this post when browsing other mdma material. Many will benefit from your account.

leo | Sat, 12/12/2009 - 11:27
mariposa's picture

your guru

yes, i also would love to know who is this guru.

your story is amazing. you can't imagine how many women and men in our world were victimized sexually at least once and do not dare to confront nor speak about it.

mariposa | Wed, 12/16/2009 - 23:24
Tania's picture

Propotions and balance

Fascinating post!

I do not draw a line between psychology and spirituality. The great love and connectedness to others fueled by MDMA is both psychological and spiritual, plus, many times, paranormal things happen with MDMA. I know from my personal experience how beneficial MDMA is for the spiritual quest and to my psychological wellbeing and so I make sure to take it once or twice a year and almost always I witness the benefit.

The main issue here as in anything: proportions and balance. To take it but not too frequently and in moderate quantities.

Tania | Sat, 12/12/2009 - 12:52
hmmm's picture


Hi Tania-thanks so much for your wise comments!There are some amazing souls on this website!Im originally from Manchester myself.
Love and light beautiful soul!

hmmm | Sun, 12/13/2009 - 11:08
silencio's picture

Governments, MDMA and alcohol

Governments do not want us to realize new dimensions.
Governments do not want us to connect with God independently.
Governments do not want us to be happy and content.
Governments want us to be under their full control and they want us to be productive.

Therefore, governments disallow substances such as MDMA.
But they had to leave us something in order not to push us to the edge.
This something is called Alcohol and it has no true effects, only temporal side effects which have nothing to do with psychology and spirituality.

silencio | Sat, 12/12/2009 - 13:48
kalgo's picture


Above all, governments do not want us to stop fearing.

Anyone who is not fearful does not really need a government.

MDMA and other substances dissolve fear.

kalgo | Sun, 12/13/2009 - 09:40
hmmm's picture

Thats the truth!

That is so spot on silencio!Well said,in a nutshell,so good to know people like yourself can see these things!

hmmm | Sun, 12/13/2009 - 11:14