First look for love, then for someone to love

happy together's picture

Average: 4.2 (27 votes)

You are looking for someone in order to find love.

But it is vice versa - you need first to look for love then you will find someone to love.

Love by itself has nothing to do with someone or something else.

A good description of love that could best approximate the truth is that love is an energy, the mighty godly energy, the primordial energy that sustains life.

As opposed to what it looks like or feels, love is not an emotion or a state nor a relation to someone or something else, it is beyond.

Being truly immersed in love, however, has a side effect of feeling. It is a wonderful feeling. A feeling that nothing can be compared to. A feeling experienced by rare lucky ones. What a breathtaking overwhelming feeling! An ecstatic feeling of the presence of god.

To be in love does not mean to be in love with someone, it means to be immersed in an endless ocean of this energy of love. There is no other involved in the very being in love.

So why do we always associate some object with love?

The reason is that as with any energy, love also is a flow, it is a movement. If you are immersed in love then you are compelled to have love move in and out of you, you are forced to act as a medium, this is the very meaning of being in the energy of love, of being in love. If you try to accumulate love, even a tiny portion, by not allowing it to go out, even only for one moment, then you will instantly cease to have love. Because love is the flow, love is an energy, not a matter. You must let it flow, you must get rid of it constantly in order to have the incoming stream of love enter.

And when you are immersed fully in this endless ocean of love, when you let it flow freely, in and out, in and out, ceaselessly, only then others will appear. And they will appear by their own accord. You do not need nor can bring them. They who happen to participate with you in the divine game of the flow of love will appear. They will appear as loved ones.

But not necessarily as lovers.

mika's picture

The essence

I think there is another reason for our mistaken association of love with an object: most of the time we mistake desire for love, and desire is always related and directed to something or to someone.

Once I used to skip anything discussing love in spiritual texts. It looked to me too banal, sweetish, new age stuff. After I experienced for the first time what I call a "love attack" I realized that if there is something that comes close to god it is love, not my mind, not my techniques, and since then I yearn for spiritual texts discussing love.

mika | Thu, 02/26/2009 - 07:36
carlito santo's picture


"Once I used to skip anything discussing love in spiritual texts. It looked to me too banal, sweetish, new age stuff. After I experienced for the first time what I call a "love attack" I realized that if there is something that comes close to god it is love, not my mind, not my techniques, and since then I yearn for spiritual texts discussing love."

Me too. Not taking into account once-forgotten lovely childhood experiences, in my case trying Love Starter made me change my approach completely and put love in the 1st priority in my spiritual path as well as in ordinary life. The balance has moved from the mind, from the head to the heart.

The understanding that love is something on its own and does not necessarily need as a prerequisite a someone in order to be established is very liberating. The "somones" and "somethings" indeed follow beyond any expectation.

carlito santo | Thu, 02/26/2009 - 10:31
sisi's picture

energy field of love

Do you remember the special feeling you felt in the presence of an enlightened one? A vibration that made you wanting to stay in his presence...

This is the same energy field of love that attracts the others. The enlightened does not love you specifically and selectively, he/she did not fall in love especially with you. He is love, he radiates love indiscriminately and you find your way to him/her like a hungry dog sensing the smells coming from the far away kitchen.

sisi | Thu, 02/26/2009 - 17:32
enlight's picture

Be love... And the rest will come...

The candle does not provide light especially for you...

The roof does not provide shading especially for you...

The river does not provide water to especially quench the thirst of yours...

They just provide...

And you are attracted...

This is how nature works...

Why love should be different?

It is not...

Absorb love... Then feel love... Then radiate love... Be love... And all the rest is marginal... And all the rest will come...

It is so different than the wrong conditioned way we were taught to perceive love...

And god...

enlight | Thu, 02/26/2009 - 17:50
george's picture

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

This is a great service to the many that have difficulty with others, the introverts.

They want to access love and relationship but are imprisoned in their difficulty to associate with people.

They have never questioned the conviction that the "lover chicken" should come before the "love egg".

Well incredible news, it doesn't necessarily need to be so - go cultivate love by its own, at this point by yourself and creation will bring you the lover, the friends, the company.

It works.

george | Fri, 02/27/2009 - 07:59
Phroggy's picture


Cultivating love is a little like commanding the wind to blow while standing in front of the sail. You don't have anything to do with it but you'll lay claim to whatever shows up. Slowly, inexhorably, Love is 'cultivating' you. That's what this nonsense is all about. When all of our foolish ideas about what Love is are surrendered, then it is seen that it has always been present. Love is not waiting for you to find it or to learn it or to express it, it's waiting for you to get the 'hell' out of the way.

Love is present when you are absent, moves when you are still, vanishes when you reach for it and denies you to your face. Humility is the doorway to Love.

Phroggy | Fri, 02/27/2009 - 20:30
Omkaradatta's picture


Humility may be the door, but it isn't on the other side ;-). Humility and arrogance are both ego, and we need to let go of both. The truth is not 'public', is not shared between me and you... the Self is Alone. Yet it is entirely inclusive... you are included Here. The mind will never get its paws around this one ;-).

Don't expand to fill the cosmos... let down the inner walls, and allow the cosmos in. Being nothing, I accommodate all.

Omkaradatta | Sat, 02/28/2009 - 06:47
Phroggy's picture


Yes, it's the notion of cultivating love that I was addressing, which was not personally directed to the poster but to all the ways in which we're inclined to commandeer love. Of course this inclination arises from the personal perspective, and so humility may be called for initially.

Phroggy | Sat, 02/28/2009 - 07:37
Omkaradatta's picture

Commandeering love

> but to all the ways in which we're inclined to
> commandeer love.

It seems here we do so not because we believe it's the right thing to do, but because we feel we need love, because we feel it's 'lacking here', and so we seek it.

None of our words can touch this... either the sense of lack is there, or it isn't. We can do nothing to get rid of it, as our attempts to be rid are the attachment.

Omkaradatta | Sat, 02/28/2009 - 09:55
Clarie-Ann's picture

What can I say but


All is perfect...

Clarie-Ann | Thu, 09/22/2011 - 09:06
george's picture

The bigger the sangha, the higher is the level of love

The enlightened is only a catalyst, an invisible center of the vortex.

The bigger the sangha, the stronger is the circulation, the higher is the level of love around him.

george | Fri, 02/27/2009 - 08:03
zoya's picture

not enough tags of love

Great post. Great issue.

I noticed love is not one of the popular tags here. How come? I think we might be missing the core, does it stem from us being too much into mind or from the fact that no much can be expressed in words about love?

zoya | Fri, 02/27/2009 - 10:13
lilian's picture

So true

I think you spotted one of the grievous obstacles in the spiritual path - the most important center, the heart, is ignored for the favorite analytical and thus convenient center, the mind.

We hit the spiritual road, truly prepared to surrender control but somehow on the way fool ourselves that we can keep the control and still transcend the fields of consciousness.

When I consider to buy a book by some promising teacher, I always inspect whether there is a chapter or some part relating to love. And if there is, I then check if he refers to a love in relation to some object or as by itself, as a field which is not dependent on anything - if the writer passes the two tests, i buy the book. Very few do pass this simple fundamental test. And this is very sad.

lilian | Tue, 03/03/2009 - 08:45
Omkaradatta's picture

Why look?

Why look for love? Everybody is looking for it already. Just give of one's love from an overflowing heart.

But if this isn't possible, then one is in the same situation as everyone else -- looking for love, hungry for love but really not thinking much about giving it.

With everybody taking but most being stingy to give, no wonder love may seem like it's lacking in the world.

How does one find the love inside? Turn within first... turn inside and find it. Otherwise, do we really have anything much of value to offer?

Omkaradatta | Fri, 02/27/2009 - 13:58
kalgo's picture

what if not love

I agree. Without love we don't have much, as someone said here: dry bones.

It wasn't so trivial to me a few years ago. I used to believe that love is just yet another emotion which is overrated and over-glorified, maybe even a sublimation of sex. I used to tell people who were taken by love: find who is loving or look beyond love and see the substratum of emptiness or love is just a sophisticated entertainment of the mind and so on. Well, the romantic love is sometimes so. But then I happened to undergo a dramatic situation in which I experienced something that can be called absolute love - I have never felt such a profound thing, it was god, it was bliss, it was independant of anything, me perceiving love as god? well, since then all my perspectives have changed 180 degrees.

kalgo | Sat, 02/28/2009 - 19:57
avi's picture

Love is the Essence

Love is the essence. All the rest is marginal. It takes time for the mind to surrender to that.

I have been to a meeting with John de Ruiter today. The vibe was strong but he didn't mention for one time the word "Love", he said "awareness", he said "being" and most of the time he said "knowledge" (he even said "knowledge" is the most crucial thing) - for me this is a clear sign that he is not there yet in spite of the impressive stillness and posture.

avi | Sat, 02/28/2009 - 22:49
Phroggy's picture


The word is seriously misconceived by most and tends to lead to confusion. I've noticed many teachers mention it only occasionally.

However, I agree it's also misleading at best to emphasize the value of knowledge, which generally will be interpreted as conceptual undrstanding.

Phroggy | Sun, 03/01/2009 - 00:23
LoveBeing's picture

I think we should love anyways.. :-)

Hello there! :-)

I found your post since we posted new post at the same time.. and I felt this is an opportunity.. :-)

Now about your post..
I myself wrote these words many times before myself,
but I'm beginning to see how actually we do this out of fear of rejection or fear of getting too attached and later on feel abandoned, lonely or that no one cares about us..

I believe we should love Anyways! :-)

Loving requires Practice too!
We should practice feeling love inside of us, but also feeling love to ourselves and to others as well! We shouldn't think that we need to do this or that first and only then... Why to be so careful and worry? We should just go with our hearts! Just Love! God is everywhere an in everyone anyhow isn't it right? :-)

People run away from love or look for love only in themselves after getting hurt too many times.. but instead of healing and finding out Why they got hurt in the first place, they chose to just run away altogether from others and the world and make love and God- inner conceptions only.. But why should we do that? Actually when we love enough- then we are able to Understand those people who didn't love us back or approve of us, we can forgive ourselves and them much more easily and even heal and open their eyes my faster! so the key here is just Loving! No matter what, how, when, where or whom..

That's all..

Bye now!

With Love,
Gil :-)

We Are God Enough! :-)

LoveBeing | Sun, 05/09/2010 - 16:41
omsairam's picture

about love

love is one of the things which are missed most on spiritual discussions
may be nowdays ppls are having so many fears about love...whether betrayal or attachment ..anything

omsairam | Wed, 10/06/2010 - 09:55