Spiritual jokes

Once a PERSON went to PANDIT(ASTROLOGER) and showed his hand for his next coming Future,

ASTROLOGER: My son your stars are in very bad conditions these days, so it will effect u badly in the future,

PERSON: Sir, can't u do any treatment for me,

ASTROLOGER: Yes my son treatment prayer is possible, But it will take expence upto $1000, but i'll do it for u with the nominal price just $750,

PERSON: Sir i am not having this much money,

ASTROLOGER: Ok my child now i am giving u heavy discount,
That is only for u just $350,

PERSON: Again, Sir i am very poor person i am not having this much money,

ASTROLOGER: Ok my child by seeing ur so poor condition, I'll do it for u just $50,

PERSON: Again, Very innocently, Sir i am not having this much money,

ASTROLOGER: Great! Than go my child and enjoy urself, U are not having just $50, SO HOW CAN STARS EFFECT U.

Homeless Man's Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods,

I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I ain't never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putt'in in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost....

Once a "Spritual Seeker" Started the coconut buissnes on the side of Road, One customer came and purchased one coconut from him, when he breaked the coconut one big "ant" came outside, after seeing the big "ant" coming out, he refused to take the coconut, The shopkeeper said dear sir don't worry it is your Luck, yesterday somebody got "HERO HONDA" from the coconut.

There are all sorts of different samadhis but by far the best is Nirvikulpa Samadhi.
Anyone who claims he vanished into this Nirvikulpa Samadhi can bypass all the ordinary formalities that gurus need to be recognized. This Nirvikalpa Samadhi is so potent that it registers on the Richter Scale – usually above 3.

But there is a little known and very rare samadhi that literally blows Nirvikalpa Samadhi simultaneously out the mouth and ass with such explosive force that it measures at least 6 on the Richter scale.

This very rare Richter scale >6 Samadhi is called Kamikaze Samadhi –

IT is called Kamikaze because it means suicide: those who vanish into it never return to tell us about it... because if some miracle allows them to survive this humongous magnitude 6 explosion then they can only survive, at best, lost in the bliss of Alzheimer’s. They are easily identified however: they always have burn scars on their ass.

– really, Really; REALLY.

one day one man went to a saint and said
sir i have heard about you ,that peoples are taking
number of blessing and wishes from you ,and i have heard that ur blessings and wishes does not go empty, i also want one wish , please give me one wish, the saint said ,what is your wish my child, the man answered that my wish is that i want to become a man in my next birth, the saint answered, are u now a DONKEY do now what do you want to do in your preasent birth.

one seeker went to his guru , he asked his guru that i want to get enlightened ,the guru said its not too easy my child, the seeker said i am a brave person u just tell me the path i can do this easily, the guru told, go and bring some kerosine oil , now the seeker came with the kerosine oil , the guru said come on my child sit here and poured few drops of kerosine oil on his both hands ,few on his head , few on his shouldres,few on his legs , few on his stomach, few on his arms and rest of the oil he poured on his back , after few seconds he lighted one candle of red colour and enlightened his seeker with the candle, now the seeker starts shouting while burning,the guru said i had told u firstly its not too easy

one day, one drunken person, did too much meditation as a devotion to god, suddenlly the god appers ,god said i am very happy with u and i am giving u one wish u can take any thing , the drunken person , just give me a bottle of wine which have the feature to refill automatically after drinking, god said there is one free wish with your wish u can also take anything else, after thinking a lot the drunken person said, just give me one more bottle like this.

once upon a time god came and asked pig that i am inviting u in the heaven their is a chance for u to get rid of all worries,childrens and dugs of dust, the pig said i will first ask my wife and than i will tell u, when he told his wife about the invitation, she said are there very very big dugs of dust & dirt there, the pig answered his wife NO , she said then we will not go there ,"what is the profit of going there"

actually the moral of the joke is:

that we peoples are like pigs who dont want to leave his or her childrens,freinds, or anything on the earth ,we don,t want to die and leave this big dustbin of earth so how can we get enlightenment with our father in heaven. thank,s

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Three yogis are performing a meditative vigil in a cave high in the Himalayas. One day there is a sound outside of the cave. Six months later one of the yogis says, "that was a tiger." The cave is silent once again. About a year later, another yogi says, "that wasn't a tiger it was a lion. Again the cave falls silent. About two years later the third yogi says, "If you two don't stop arguing I'm leaving."