Inner Body meditation

dora's picture



Average: 4.6 (48 votes)

Eckhart Tolle calls it "inner body". In Vipassana, Goenka calls it "Free Flow" or "Bangha" (sometimes spelled Bhanga or Banga). Some say that it is actually the astral body or our energetic body beyond form. They all say that it is a good bridge to go from form to formless and to the absolute.

All these names refer to a subtle feeling of a body vibration, to a sensing of a body frequency. When your mind is sharp, you can feel it very strongly, as if all your body is shaking.

How to sense it? Tolle suggests to try to feel the body from within, Goenka advices to scan the body for regular gross sensations (like pain, tickling, itching, etc.) and suggests that with practice, the gross sensations will turn subtler and subtler until all the body is felt as one field of energy to be scanned in a free flow fashion.

I must say that I found the sensing of this energetic body very powerful both in Vipassana and while reading Tolle's "Power of Now". It connected me with something beyond the mind and triggered experiences and changes that I cannot yet describe.

I will appreciate if others can share their experiences with this "inner body" and references, if exist, to the same thing in other techniques and traditions (I heard there is some similar yogi stuff).



Annie's picture

Something similar in Shamanism

I once encountered something similar in one of the shaman traditions.

It is a technique for communicating with your astral body: you concentrate on your hands until you feel this energetic vibration in them and then you can talk to your astral body and ask it, for example, to take you (the mind) as a witness to the astral journeys during the coming night when you are asleep.

BTW, joining the nightly astral journey is used there for remembering the lessons the astral body is undergoing during the night.

I tried it. It really worked.

Annie | Fri, 06/06/2008 - 21:46
doo's picture

astral projection

Yes, the exact symptoms are mentioned also in the case of astral projections, not only in shamanism: the body vibrations, etc.

The difference between the inner body of eckhart tolle and the astral stuff is where you take this state of connectedness with the astral body: eckhart tolle and vipassnana use it to connect to the absolute and to develop while the astral projection stuff take it yet to another spiritual excitement that leads to no self development.

doo | Sun, 06/08/2008 - 21:03
angel76's picture

Easy way to sense the inner body

A good way to sense the inner body or astral body is to move from one part of the body to another and in each part not to just see if I feel this vibration or not but to tune into the specific frequency of the vibration at this part (like looking for a station in a radio). Usually, if you cannot sense the vibration at the body part, it is probably because the frequency at that part is subtler and so you need to search for a milder vibration.

After some time of doing this, you will notice that you sense that all the body vibrates as one single field of energy in the very same frequency.

Observe this field of energy as if it is inside the body then at some point be this field, do not just watch it.

You will notice very soon that the whole field is actually a point somewhere and that indeed you are this point. Moreover, you will feel that this point encompasses all.

While being in this state of consciousness, you will naturally feel disidentified from your body.

You must guard not to stain the process with expectations and analysis. Just do it, just be it when it dawns.

This is a great gateway. No wonder Eckhart Tolle and Goenka put so much emphasis on it. It's a pity that so few people make use of it constantly.

angel76 | Sat, 01/24/2009 - 21:16
Ecomancer81's picture

Mm.

Interesting. I just happen to be learning about "vibrations" in a book about the soul of the universe. Its thesis holds that the universe is more like music than matter. Very compelling, though not something I easily wrap my mind around.

Ecomancer81 | Sun, 02/01/2009 - 10:08
carlito santo's picture

binaural beats

Which book was it?

Binaural beats assist wonderfuly with the inner body awareness and astral projection as they make the mind sensitive to finer frequencies.

There was a post here lately about binaural beats with a link you can actually download them from - http://www.gurusfeet.com/forum/has-anyone-tried-binaural-beats

carlito santo | Fri, 02/13/2009 - 19:58
happy together's picture

helps in disidentifying from the body

Sensing the inner body helps tremendously in dis-identifying from the body.

When you emerge from a half an hour session of awareness to the inner body vibration, you simply find yourself naturally aliened to the physical body. You do not need to convince yourself, make any effort, fight the old conditionings, it is completely natural.

happy together | Sun, 03/22/2009 - 00:07
solo's picture

Inner body

There is some "magic" in the awareness to the inner body. In "magic I mean some unexplained strong effect. I haven't found yet a good stuff to explain this over the years except of the Vipassana explanation which I feel is not sufficient.

Anyhow, explanations are less important - it is essential to stick to this practice as Tolle recommends - it is a powerful gateway to the beyond.

solo | Sun, 04/19/2009 - 09:53
Quantum's picture

Innerbody same as Third Eye Meditation?

Is there a connection between "Third Eye Meditation" and "Inner Body Awareness?"

Quantum | Tue, 09/15/2009 - 02:29
davids's picture

The secret behind the inner body

There is much more in that than just accessing the core vibrations of the body - it's actually truly accessing the body for the first time while most of the time we are aware of just a representation layer of the body, some conceptual representation from which all noise, unfamiliar forms, and other unconstructive elements were filtered.

It means that in that state we have a real access to the senses, sensing really the what is, including our inner mental world.

davids | Fri, 05/15/2009 - 13:49
divine intervention's picture

kundalini, nadis, chakras and inner body

I suspect this vibe has something to do with the flow of energy in our nadis through the chakras, the energy that flows from the kundalini to the crown.

divine intervention | Wed, 05/20/2009 - 07:52
nalabonga's picture

Possible side effect to the technique

The Inner body technique is very powerful and efficient but being so may have of course undesirable side effects which are not less powerful.

One is the blocking of the flow of sexual and love energies.

Read in http://www.gurusfeet.com/forum/my-sexual-urge-has-almost-disappeared#com... my description of a similar case that may happen also with inner body meditation.

You can suppress this side effect by simply being aware to it and consciously reopening yourself to the flow of energies while continuing to practice this wonderful technique.

nalabonga | Sun, 07/26/2009 - 14:15
backwaters's picture

Can passivity, listlessness,

Can passivity, listlessness, and body jolting be a possible side effect?

backwaters | Tue, 03/04/2014 - 05:47
nalabonga's picture

Absolutely, these are very typical side effects of inner body

Absolutely. These side effects are not only possible but are very typical. You feel weak, sometimes dizzy (with somewhat "dry" feeling in the area of the head), there are involuntary motions in parts of your body and you are drawn to sleep a lot, usually the sleep is very deep.

I always wondered what the reason is for these common side effects. My strong feeling is that the body is undergoing a process of change and healing and hence these effects, like when your body heals from a disease. Another good explanation I heard is that since by practicing inner body awareness you actually tune to subtler vibrations, your consciousness (which actually relates to the inner body) undergoes a change process and the change, as always, consumes energy.

nalabonga | Tue, 03/04/2014 - 09:47
backwaters's picture

Thank you so much for

Thank you so much for replying. Yes, I have had all of these side effects. It got so bad that I was hardly getting out of bed. I had to push myself to do my daily duties. I had no urge to do anything else. So I stopped consciously trying to feel the inner body and started praying to the One Eternal Absolute Reality for help. I am more active now. The inner body awareness however occurs spontaneously with self observation. As I try to remain as the witness of my inner and outer space most of the time, I am aware of the inner body all the time without much effort, sort of like an almost constant awareness meditation. Anytime I try to focus further, my body jolts and this is so distressing to my family that I am afraid to pursue it but I don't see how I can make any progress without that. For more of my experiences please look at the other comments that I have posted (towards the end) if it is not too much trouble for you. Is there some advice that you can give me please? It would be very helpful.

backwaters | Tue, 03/04/2014 - 10:54
nalabonga's picture

Something important I forgot to mention: samskaras

By the way, something very important that I forgot to mention: as stated in the original post, the inner body awareness is actually something that occurs also in the Vipassana technique (called there Bhanga). According to Goenka, these jolts (and other possible strange body occurrences) are samskaras (conditioning imprints coded in our body due to reoccurring past experiences) that are being processed and eliminated. I can relate to that from my past experience with Vipassana.

According to that, your severe jolts are probably related to very profound and strong samskaras. These can be past traumas, strong experiences in the past and so on.

When the samskaras that are related to these jolts are completely evaporated, you will no longer experience the jolts. The key factor for that to happen is that you must accept these symptoms, do not resist them, surrender to them, even like them (as they mean that no doubt there is some effect to what you are doing). In this way, you will accelerate the process and not strengthen the samskaras.

Another very helpful thing is: when the jolts (and other physical symptoms) happen during the inner body awareness try to notice associated memories or thoughts that appear in your stream of consciousness in parallel. These are the experiences related to these samskaras. Don't try to force yourself to have these mental visions, don't put it as an objective, just be alert and diligent. Most probably, you will suddenly notice these quick mental appearances and will realize that actually they appeared before each time you had the symptoms, you just didn't noticed them. They will lead you to the source and reason for these samskaras.

Please share when you discover something. You are in the right direction and your report is extremely interesting and helpful for us all.

The final important thing is that at some point all these symptoms (including the weakness) disappear and the awareness to the subtle vibrational field becomes spontaneous, as you yourself report.

(PS. I already read your other comments when you wrote them)

nalabonga | Tue, 03/04/2014 - 11:37
backwaters's picture

I am very grateful for your

I am very grateful for your reassurance. I already know in my heart that you are right. It will be difficult to convince my family though but now that I am sure, I think I can manage that. If you can tell me something about the energy surge also, it would be very helpful. I want to know what to expect if the energy wave comes up again like that. What should be my response then?

I have had a very traumatic childhood. As you rightly said, I have already noticed the thoughts and feelings associated with the blocks. The MDSA issues are at its heart, I feel. May the One Absolute Eternal Reality help us all. Bless you. Thank you again.

backwaters | Tue, 03/04/2014 - 11:56
nalabonga's picture

That energy flowing up

That energy flowing up intensely, when it encounters a block (usually in one of the chakras), it results in strong vibrations in the area of the block because it cannot flow freely past that block and so the force of the energy needs to push somehow (it's exactly like water flowing in a rubber hose, when you squeeze the hose at some point in the middle, the that area of the hose is starting to shake). What you need to do at that point is to observe that area and relax it, open it up, surrender, give up to the flow and then the shaking will stop and the proper flow will resume (then it might be blocked again in some other point upward and if so you need to do the same in that point too and so on).

You have no reason to be afraid or embarrassed, What I tell you is not some theory but is based on experience and literature. What you experience is not uncommon and it shows that you are working effectively. Your family might find what you currently experience as odd but when it is over they will gain a much better, relieved and tremendously happier mother and wife.

Remember that the key to all this is acceptance and non-resistance. Trust yourself, your consciousness and body and the absolute reality. You are very blessed to come across this practice and to undergo it in such an effective way.

nalabonga | Tue, 03/04/2014 - 13:24
backwaters's picture

Thank you so much. I

Thank you so much. I understand. Peace.

backwaters | Wed, 03/05/2014 - 08:26
backwaters's picture

Nalabonga, I wanted to thank

Nalabonga, I wanted to thank you again for the vital information that you imparted to me as well as your reassurance due to which I decided to go ahead with the inner body meditation. When this decision was made, I came across a lady who had kundalini rise due to an initiation she had 15 years ago. Her account of her experience and the books that she keeps giving me are very helpful.

I thought of sharing some of this with you in case it is useful to someone else as well. It is now my understanding (please correct me if I am wrong) that this field of vibration that we feel during inner body meditation is the flow of vital force or prana. When there is good flow, there is good health. Block/denseness may manifest physically as pain. The chakras/energy centers according to this lady are the windows to the astral body and thus portals to other worlds according to their hierarchy. I feel them as places of churning or twirling movement. Bringing awareness deep into the area of density helps to restore the flow. (There is then a feeling of heat and pain and dissipation of energy but in the end the area becomes lighter.)

The things I have noticed are: When getting up from sleep, the field is felt very vividly as a whole and the vibrations are very clearly sensed. In the early morning, blocks are less and energy flows more smoothly and energy feels lighter. As long as there is awareness, (witnessing), this can be felt through the day-to-day activities; maybe not the whole body but at least some parts of the body especially hands and back and head. Sometime during the afternoon, there is a feeling of heat entering the body mainly through the back and this seems to spread across the body. But heat is rarer and less burning nowadays compared to the early years of fulltime severe burning. Coming near certain people and going to certain places brings on the burning feeling. I don’t know what that means. Do you have any idea? Also your comment mentions literature that explains the process. Would you be kind enough to suggest some books please?

backwaters | Sat, 03/29/2014 - 03:32
nalabonga's picture

Being affected by the energy field of other people

Thank you so much for sharing. This is of enormpous benefit to so many others that undergo this.

I can relate to all that your wrote. The effects when you come near other people is obvious, the inner body is actually sensing of your energetic/astral body and so when two astral bodys come near they communicate, they exchange, this is the sort of energetic influence we have on each other. Some are more vulnerable and sensitive to these effects, and it looks from your story that you are so, it might be that you tend to absorb energies of others (usually comes with a tendency to please others, to be polite and adoptive). In such a case it might be better to stop it, at least for a while, because this influence will absorb energies and pains that you don't need (the way to avoid this absorbing is simply by imagining a protective bubble around you and instructing the bubble not to let energies other of love of other to enter unless you decide to let it enter). You can find another technique and more info about a protective bubble/shiled in http://www.gurusfeet.com/blog/steps-crate-n-effective-protective-shield.

The literature I reffer to is of Kundalini and inner body (books like of Gopi Krishna and online such as here).

nalabonga | Sat, 03/29/2014 - 06:59
backwaters's picture

Thank you Nalabonga. That

Thank you Nalabonga. That makes sense. It is also a major problem. I have always mirrored the emotions of others so much that I can almost feel theirs. I have a feeling that I have been burning off a lot of negative energy from others. In fact after being in a crowd like a party or wedding, I mostly fall ill. I must pray to the One Eternal Absolute Truth for protection. Good advice. So what does burning signify? A purification of energy field from impurities? Or casting off of unwanted energies?

backwaters | Sat, 03/29/2014 - 11:27
backwaters's picture

Usually whenever there is

Usually whenever there is some doubt or question in my mind, The One Absolute Eternal Truth guides me by bringing the answers in the form of a passage from a book. Yesterday I was guided to this from the Holy Quran: “And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. And if a heavily laden soul calls [another] to [carry some of] its load, nothing of it will be carried, even if he should be a close relative.” So it is not possible for me to bear the pain and energies of another. Therefore the burning must signify something else. Perhaps my own pain/burden is being triggered by certain people or places and when it rises up, due to it coming into my awareness it is getting burned off and thus my energy flow is cleansed? The reason I get tired in a crowd is perhaps because I am less aware when in the presence of a lot of unawakened people and hence fall into dysfunctional patterns of thinking that siphon off my energy. I am not sure of this. It is only a theory. Only God knows best. Anyway, thank you for your help Nalabonga. May He guide us both. Peace.

backwaters | Sun, 03/30/2014 - 01:28
pradeep's picture

is there any specific

is there any specific sitting position for inner body meditation???

n i m not agree that with any meditation sexual urge has disappeared.

its possible that you have batter control on that urge but the word disappear is notsuitable

Pradeep Singh Shaktawat

pradeep | Fri, 04/22/2011 - 09:56
george's picture

posture

No special posture. The only thing is that in the beginning, you will not be able to feel the inner body when moving and when eyes open. Later, you will sense it clearly in all conditions.

No one said that with every meditation the sexual urge disappears. In general, when you advance spiritually, your sexual urge will decrease naturally as will all other desires and addictions. It is true that with some meditations, including inner body, the libido may decrease or in other words, it will have less appeal for you. It has nothing to do with control or suppression.

george | Fri, 04/22/2011 - 10:45
tiru's picture

Also called "Shiva Shakti"

It is also mentioned in the vedas. There it is called "Shiva Shakti" which means the power of Shiva, i.e. the power of consciousness.

It is exactly the same thing - an energetic fuield that can be sensed within the body and later outside the body. When one is observing this vibration, he is actually observing his consciousness.

Words cannot convey the power of this technique. You simply need to do it - just observe this subtle vibration all around you body and you will notice the special effect of that observation that will not leave any trace of doubt that something extraordinary is going on.

It is amazing how this highly significant phenomenon pops up in different doctrines with the same instructions and significance.

tiru | Sat, 05/21/2011 - 17:57
sharonk's picture

This is the most remarkable spiritual practice

I heard Cesar Teruel saying exactly this.

This is the most remarkable, powerful and easy thing I have ever encountered in the realm of spirituality.

Notice that while observing this field of energy, also the reality outside changes. You suddenly encounter people after thinking about them, people on the street suddenly don't see you and more.

The important thing is to simply do it continuously and less talk about it.

sharonk | Fri, 06/10/2011 - 14:44
Quantum's picture

Reality reflected

"...the reality outside changes."

Yes, reality, the atmosphere, the quantum field, shifts in a subtle way. I noticed that too. But I waited for someone else to say it because its too wild to believe.

"The important thing is to simply do it continuously..."

Agreed 1000000000% to infinity.

"...less talk about it."

(silence)

Quantum | Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:02
keval D's picture

It's all about letting go

The inhalation is grasping, and the exhalation is letting go. So let go, let go of inner body sensations, thoughts, feelings, all mental perceptions as you exhale, and when you inhale let that go too.

keval D | Thu, 06/16/2011 - 07:09
happy's picture

Complicating the simple

You missed the whole point. Why complicate something that its effectiveness lies in its simplicity by introducing concepts over it - no let go and no attachment, inhaling, not inhaling - all these are not only irrelevant but contra-productive in case of inner body meditation - just observe the inner body, don't introduce any disposition or judgement or any other concept and attitude of the mind. Don't let the mind make a salad of this too and succeed in spoiling it.

happy | Thu, 06/16/2011 - 07:43
Quantum's picture

Yes...KISS...Keep It Simple...like Zen

"...just observe the inner body."

Thanks for saving this precious thread.

Quantum | Thu, 06/16/2011 - 18:03
alon's picture

Important: great urge to sleep when doing this technique

When I'm doing inner body meditation for longer periods, I tend to become very tired (physically, not mentally) and my body/mind tends to be drawn to deep and long sleep like if I was not sleeping for ages.

I'm not talking about being bored or irritated or sleepy. I'm talking about a great urge to go and have a good and long sleep and the sleep is indeed extremely strong, one that feels that some processing needs to happen, like the sleep of a newborn baby when he needs to develop mentally.

Has anyone encountered this effect?

alon | Wed, 02/08/2012 - 14:42
eusabius's picture

a good and long sleep

I just started this practise a few days ago. Your comment interests me, as I've been suffering from insomnia (anxiety related) for 4 months. Maybe this could help me.

eusabius | Thu, 07/05/2012 - 12:45
erez's picture

Accounts about spontaneous sensing of the vibration

See in http://www.spiritual-experiences.com/real-spiritual-story.php?story=357 accounts of people who came across this vibration and didn't know what it is all about. I posted there some details and a link to here so that maybe it will assist them.

erez | Mon, 02/20/2012 - 17:03
Alice's picture

vibrations, floating and the absense of sound

It is really interesting what you all have to say about this topic. I can relate to a lot of it.
The vibrations which shake your whole being (or astral body) while your body is asleep and the floating of course.

I have been practicing this Inner journey for almost 6 months now and everything i have read about it really helped me to develope this incredible journey.
but now i have come to a point where I really could need some help from those of you who have experience with it:

Yesterday night while I was meditating for quite a while I came to a point where I could not hear anything. It was like even the sound of the blood flowing through my veins and the beating of my heart where turned off.
Total silence.
This surprised me a lot because I have never read about it before (my main source is William Buhlman). Did this happen to any of you, or does anybody know what this means?

I would be really thankful to some constructive posts. :)

Alice | Thu, 02/23/2012 - 17:09
angel76's picture

vibrational inputs of the senses as well

I think I experienced similar things - sometimes the vibration is perceived not only in the body organs, i.e. in body sensations but also in the senses inputs - they become more subtle, i.e. they are senses as vibrations.

That happens to me when I'm way into the practice with sound , it suddenly becomes white noise and the intensity increases and I can also hear my heart beats sometimes very clearly - is this what you experienced?

Also the vision becomes granular, as if I can see the tiny pixels that make the vision I perceive - like watching a TV station which is not tuned.

When you had this experience with the sound, have you noticed any change in your time perception? was time seemed to move much faster?

angel76 | Fri, 02/24/2012 - 10:39
Alice's picture

Dear John, thank you for

Dear John,

thank you for your nice reply. I usually practice my inner body meditation without sound, although I have tried it but I had strange dreams afterwards.

I had been meditating for almost 30 minutes and was in a state of soft vibrations with a clear and open mind. Then I concentrated on a soft white light which surrounds me and almost immediately there came a ringing to my ears. A second later the "absence of sound" was there.

It wasn´t white noise and I could not hear my heartbeat or anything at all. It felt as if time moved faster, or that I was aware that I had little time in this state of meditation. I didn´t really concentrate on my vision but more on the feeling of energy which surrounds me and the energy of the place where my body was at that moment.
Afterwards I felt a bit light-headed.

I wish you a wonderful day :)

Alice | Fri, 02/24/2012 - 13:01
angel76's picture

hey alice, I didn't mean to

hey alice,

I didn't mean to practice it with sound. I prefer the simple and straightforward way without the music and sounds as recommended sometimes in other places. What I meant is that at some point when the vibration is clearly and strongly felt in the body (and outside it!) if you put your attention on your hearing, you notice that the inputed sound has also became decomposed into a granular sonic vibration and the same happens with the input of the vision.

angel76 | Fri, 02/24/2012 - 17:22
abra's picture

William Buhlman

As far as I know, William Buhlman is geared towards astral projections and out of body experiences which are all considered as gimicks, candies for the mind and hindrances (as all other sidhis) by those who teach Inner body/Vipassana like Eckhart Tolle, SN Goenka and the others. The purpose of all these in the connecting to the Inner body vibration is to disidentify with the body and receede to the being, the true self which we are. It is a tool for spiritual development per se.

Does William Buhlman uses the sensing of the body as a vibration for astral projections? Can you elaborate a bit on his technique with regard? What are his specific instructions?

abra | Fri, 02/24/2012 - 18:27
kulchnaui's picture

A good article about the awareness of these body vibrations

Here is a good guide I found about these vibrations and how to cultivate the awareness of them to those who find it difficult: http://uk.iacworld.org/how-to-achieve-vibrational-state-a-step-by-step-g...

The article is geared towards OBE but the phenomenon is the same.

kulchnaui | Mon, 01/13/2014 - 23:46
backwaters's picture

I practiced inner body

I practiced inner body meditation after reading Tolle for a while and stopped. But now it has gotten to the point that I am almost always aware and can feel the vibrations while going about my daily life. The reason I stopped the meditation was because of an event that scared me.

I had always been aware of a dense heavy feeling on the upper left back below the shoulder area. Once while feeling these vibrations and sending some loving energy to this dense spot, a huge wave of energy just came up with such force that I got really scared. Then all these vibrations of energy went in a flow towards that one dense spot and I understood that all these vibrations actually originated from that spot.

Now whenever I relax so much that I let go and have a feeling of soaring up, being pure awareness, suddenly my body will jolt. This is actually scary for those around me, so I stopped this also. I now go about being aware all the time and the vibrations also I am aware of but I do not encourage anything. I am just dispassionate observer.

Actually after the energy flow incident, an energy healer placed his hand on this dense spot and tried to heal me. I can feel other people's energy even without touching them and I could feel some burning heat from him. But nothing has really changed. There is still that heavy feeling and of things crawling across the back and to back of the head. A few years earlier, I also had burning for a year which was intense. When I told the energy healer about it, he said that it was Shiva Shakti. Nowadays that is less and the burning is there only on rare occasions and that too for a short while. Most burning takes place now only in the abdominal area. I can feel unbearable Aanandam if I want to but then I might just sit there and do nothing, so I am staying away from that. I really want to know what is happening to me. I am very devoted to the One Absolute Eternal Reality. I do not worship anything else. Could someone please tell me the mechanics of what is going on with me? Please.

backwaters | Tue, 02/18/2014 - 09:04
solo's picture

incredible account

This is an incredible account that I can relate to parts of it from my own personal experience. The energy rushes and shaking are typical to inner body. The shaking is caused by some blockage in the flow of energy somewhere along the route from your kundalini to your head. Once you focus on the area of the blockage and release the tension and resistance in there, the flow resumes and the shaking stops. You can read similar accounts in the other comments above. Keep on with that, the inner body is a great tool.

And please share here every bit and detail of your experience, it's extremely important because yours seems classic and so it will help so many others.

solo | Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:53
backwaters's picture

Thank you so much for your

Thank you so much for your response. I think the block or the dense part has been there for a long time at least around 20 years. I was aware of it during prayer even back then. It may be due to the nature of my childhood or may even predate it.

One of my enduring early memories (at 2 or 3) is that of seeing an event that was at a distance that would not have been physically possible to see. I saw this very emotionally traumatic event that happened in another apartment as if I was present there. But I was physically present in another apartment. Later after growing up, I clarified whether this event had actually happened and whether I was present there. I was told I was not anywhere near it and this event indeed had happened. I have no idea how this is possible. I was in the witness state and remember watching my emotional reaction very dispassionately.

I am very devoted to the One Absolute Eternal Reality and He has been my parent, my friend, my protector throughout as I had a very traumatic childhood. I hardly had a personality and mostly remained in the witness state which I did not understand as such then.

When I was 16, one night I woke up from sleep and saw that everything was covered in a golden/yellow light and I witnessed myself talking in an ecstatic state with two or three yellow light human-like figures (only outline). I had no idea where my body started or ended. Everything, sofa, bed, body all seemed same. All made up of what I could only articulate as "crystalline solid." There was one more experience like that and another time I was overwhelmed by incredible feeling of love for all.

Cut to the present: If I stay really still for a while (10 min or more) in a state of alert aware presence, the world again seems to be pervaded by a yellow light. The vibrations are always there. I am mostly watching my inner and outer world in the alert witness state. Can see white transparent/blue aura for people and objects. Can feel their vibrations. I think the colour contrast especially black and white colour contrast has become more sharp although vibrancy of colours have gone down a notch. There is incredible Aanandam just beneath which I am afraid to access because then I am not very productive and when I over access it I get headache afterwards. Same with the golden light. So I stay away from all that.

Productivity is exactly what is troubling me lately. Following the inner body meditation, I started having trouble studying and am yet to complete the last year of my masters degree because of the lack of will or desire to do anything. Everything else I do because it is my duty to do so. I just drag my body around and do my chores and taking care of my family. But study was only for my growth and it was one of my passions along with painting and writing. Now unfortunately I have no motivation to continue. I sort of push myself to do the painting and I write whenever I am inspired. But study systematically I do not!! This and the heavy things crawling up and down my back trouble me. I asked the energy healer what it was and his answer whenever I think of it actually scares me. In his own words - "If there was a snake in your balcony, would you like to know about it? Wouldnt you rather ignore it and it will go away on its own?"

I tried that (I think) and it has not gone away. I am unfortunately the curious kind and always like to know what is happening which is why I read Koran, Bhagavad Gita, Upanishads, Bible, Sri Ramana Maharshi, Sri Aurobindo, Krishnamurthy and everything else I could lay my hands on. The energy healer on the other hand is the kind who does not want to read or gain more knowledge than he has already. I guess it is not good to have too much knowledge but I am always thirsty for the right kind of knowledge - that which can bring me closer to the One Absolute Eternal Truth. No need for powers or other stuff. Am repressing anything that comes. Not interested in accessing other worlds or beings.

When there is no single negative thought and I have submitted to His will and completely let go, I have sometimes felt unbelievable feeling of peace. I have forgiven everyone but I fear that there is within me something that I have not faced fully and hence I am not able to progress further. Maybe that is what is holding me back. Please advice if you can.

backwaters | Wed, 02/19/2014 - 09:08
Quantum's picture

Explorations

"No need for powers or other stuff. Am repressing anything that comes. Not interested in accessing other worlds or beings. "

That's why I chose Zen

Quantum | Wed, 02/19/2014 - 11:38
Higiuyama's picture

Question

How can I benefit from spirituality and yet still experience the objective world in full(i.e.love,success,money,...etc.)

Higiuyama | Thu, 02/18/2016 - 11:44