Weaving and un-weaving the dream....

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That nagging feeling that there was something missing...something other...something more...than what was going on, that I didn't know or understand....and the need for the mind to grasp it...

It took a long time to compute....

And it simply made no sense to the mind....befuddled and brain fogged....for a looong time it felt like living in limbo....

Between everything and nothing...

A dead man walking..

That there wasn't a me....and yet here I was....

It felt like if the first wasn't real....then even this was a trick of the mind....

But once seen it couldn't be unseen....

Even as I struggled for clarity....

Life flowed as it always had....

Till it struck like a bolt of lightening....

That this...just as it is...

Is....

That I had never done or not done a thing....nor needed to....

Life was simply singing the duet
Of a one...
Of a two....
Of a none...

It wasn't really being suspended as nothingness....

It was the trickle of the fullness coming back in...

A gentle lover with a slow hand....

I had no intellectual understanding...not having come across anyone else nor having read anything of any consequence...

But by which time...it made no difference...

Towards the end...when in a torrential flow...the fullness flooded in....

In a state of shock..
I was almost catatonic...

The realization that the self was going nowhere...
Phantom as it was...

And here I was...
Where I'd always been....

And the longing for it to be some other way...

The desire....
Wasn't going anywhere...

The whole enchilada...
Shebang and more...

Nor this....
Just as it is....

And in one fell swoop....
The desirer collapsed....

Leaving life weaving and un-weaving the dream...
As me...
Through me...

Awakening too is the dream....

Simply stunningly beautiful....

This....