My ego is screaming...

seeker's picture



Average: 4.7 (7 votes)
screaming.jpg

My ego is screaming. It feels abandoned. It feels betrayed. It feels completely ignored. It feels that this new behavior is a catastrophic slippery slope, that all this will eventually lead to death, not only of himself.

He is screaming discordantly. He feels the old order collapses, that the great work done so far goes down the drain. The well-tested system of assuring advantages over peers, the comparison balance, the winnings in competitions, the maintenance of constant relative value and importance. He is furious about that outrageous arbitrary negligence that sabotages years of great investment and effort.

He feels robbed. He feels deceived. He feels that he is given the responsibility but not the authority anymore, the title but not the entitlement. He feels he was given the wrong impression that he is in charge when it was convenient and now the moor has done his work, the moor can go.

He feels abused. He feels rage. If he could he would file a blunt complaint but there is no one in charge with reason to listen.

He feels he cannot allow to surrender, it would be so irresponsible. He cannot understand how I could change sides and sign a pact with no other than our mutual enemies, with our arrogant competitors. He will never be able to trust blindly anyone anymore. Such a betrayal. We had an agreement, you hypocrite bastard, he says, you can't switch sides like this, you bloody SOB.

He also feels grief. Terrible grief of loss.

And he is shocked to be suddenly regarded as "it" and not as "he" anymore.

It feels that soon it will have no choice but to pull out the weapon of doom's day, the weapon of mass destruction, at least a honorable revenge, at least a honorable defeat. The last battle before it gets too weak. So be it, let my soul die with the Philistines!



doo's picture

doom day weapon

I can relate to that. There are times when the ego is too suppressed that it starts revolting.

I found out that the best policy is let it ventilate, let it speak out and complain, the same way you do so authentically here.

Otherwise doom day will come. What do you think this doom day weapon is?

doo | Thu, 01/29/2009 - 11:12
nancy pro's picture

doom day

A hurt ego is capable of anything. The doom day weapon is mainly pushing you to very challenging and sometimes dangerous combats with other egos in despair so that you lose awareness and start react (i.e. the ego regain control). You may descend then back to the deep depths of ignorance and unawareness, deeper than any you have ever been to.

This is why it is usually important to have a gradual process of mutual small compromises rather than a big bang until the destiny is reached unnoticeably.

nancy pro | Thu, 01/29/2009 - 11:35
Phroggy's picture

~

The OP strikes me as a very genuine and powerful expression, but I don't align with your fear of losing control. Who is it who stands apart from ego and controls it? If 'you' choose to be vigilant about your outward expression, this is ego choosing to not appear egoic or to avoid conflict. I'm not saying that's good or bad, just that there is no you controlling you, just ego doing as ego chooses.

Phroggy | Fri, 01/30/2009 - 01:32
joy's picture

Rare piece

Rare piece - authentic voice of an ego unfiltered by the superego.

Reading this script periodically from time to time can serve for proactively letting the ego to discharge accumulated tensions before it blasts.

PS the pic, my ego is uglier; no, my ego is uglier; no no, mine is uglier!

joy | Thu, 01/29/2009 - 17:05
Lee's picture

suggestion

adopt a puppy. your ego will not have time for center stage.

Lee | Thu, 01/29/2009 - 17:25
Annie's picture

Look at MY puppy, isn't it cute?

Half of the world have a puppy and worse, children, and still their ego is as in shape as ever.

Don't underestimate (or overestimate) the survival urge of the ego.

Annie | Thu, 01/29/2009 - 19:19
Omkaradatta's picture

~

It is totally, absolutely, completely, 100% up to you. Nobody else can help you with this, and nobody ever will. You are on your own.

http://www.omkaradatta.info

Omkaradatta | Fri, 01/30/2009 - 02:46
santana's picture

authentic

Very authentic as if it is my ego that wrote this during one of its rages.

It is very good sign. It means you are not deceiving yourself. Letting it to cry, accepting, observing, understanding but not reacting to this rage is the right approach.

santana | Fri, 01/30/2009 - 21:49