I Was Being Played.....

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And I was being played.....

Itself the beloved......

The very lover's whispered breath.....

The song....

The flute.....

The love....

The strange thing is...I don't know if most seekers don't just set out to improve the dream....

I did too...

But at what point and how... my life circumstances started to quickly take a back seat...and receded into the background...I have no idea....

Suddenly one finds that the tiger one has been chasing...has turned around and is now hunting you....

Who wants this....
And yet the yearning was dragging me over the coals.....

Volition flew out of the window....

The realization hit like a punch in the stomach.....

That I was being played.....

It had always been so......

And it all began to take on a life of it's own....

I had no idea that there was a tiger with his teeth buried in my neck....

Or when and how it snapped....

Yet snap it did....

And only when the I returned...did it begin to dawn....

One simply knows when it happens...

And none of it mattered anymore...

The living dead...

I remember struggling for years...to improve the dream...

A dream that had turned into a nightmare....

Tried this and that...

Oh not the meditation sort of stuff....

But the being nicer...kinder...more loving...kinda thing....in an attempt to turn the nightmare around so that it went back to looking like just the dream it had been...

Nothing worked....

I mean...I didn't even look upon it as a dream...

The self felt solidly real...as did everyone else....

As the pain did too....

And here I was...

Funny...but even then one knew that this was it....and nothing beyond it...

And the terms reality or unreality never even crossed the mind.....

And here I am.....

Right back to where I was....
Or was not.....

It was stunning when the belief in the self fell away....

And yet the self didn't go anywhere...

Yet at first it did feel like that...that the self had vamoosed....

Knowing it never existed...

Where could it have gone.....

Yet it was like hiding under a rock.....

Even when it was seen clearly....

And that emptiness ....

Very quickly the emptiness became the new self....

It wasn't till the fullness started to seep back in....

And the tears began to flow....

And the blood spread all over the dance floor...

Oh my....

My heart just sank....

And yet simultaneously with it....

The fullness of this ephemeral self...

Began to colour this dream....

Brilliantly hued....

A transparent jewel...

And the knot untied itself.....

And the belief was seen for what it was...

A belief....

Even as this rambling brook....

Gurgled on...

Love's whispers.....