This Exquisite Dance...

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50. This Exquisite Dance....

It's funny how that turned up here....

The gut wrenching end of love...and the last hope for the other....

Heart break hotel.....

And yet sublimely beautiful....

Even though the charade had been seen through...over a decade and a half or more ago...me...the other and love....

The only impact was that the guru chapter was over...

It pretty much left me bemused....with the wher'ditgo...nothing more.....

Not really knowing what to make of it...and no thought to make anything of it either...

And that was that....

And all the while life simply carried on doing it's thang....

But that hole in the heart never went away....

It had become an sublimely beautiful inseparable part of me...

It had always been there...

Just never noticed....

And strangely I'd run away from it...
Though simultaneously paradoxically...seeking it all the while....

I had been emptied...

Holding an empty prize for no one...

A dry leaf blowin' in the wind....

It would take all those years...for the fullness to come seeping back in....at it's own sweet pace....quite organically....

Since I'd never read or heard of any of this....
There was never any urgency of a supposed goal to be reached...

And as it gushed in the final torrential flow....a tsunami...in one fell swoop.....ripping and shredding through all the ideas I'd held about myself...this time around ...it was excruciatingly painful...

Though strangely....
That quiescent centre....never left through it all....

And in the last 7 or more years....this exquisite dance....
In and as everything and nothing at all....

The dance that had always been this life...

Between in and as....
Everything and nothing at all....

The fragrance of life in full bloom....

Just never noticed before....