Common pitfalls in trying to accept
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Trying to accept and observe "what is" is fundamental to spiritual development. Fundamental but not always easy with the mind trying to deceive and sabotage the acceptance. We think we succeeded to accept something and then later we find out that the mind actually played a trick on us and instead of true acceptance, we actually resisted, only this time in a more creative way.
In order to succeed with the art of acceptance, one must be acquainted with the common pitfalls the mind usually sets when we are sincerely trying to accept.
Pitfall no. 1 - Having a tacit motive to eliminate the pain
The motive of the acceptance should NOT be to eliminate the pain, directly or indirectly, by saying for example: if I accept the pain then the pain will lose its energy and will vanish. This might happen but putting such a motive means that the acceptance is not total, that I still resist it, I still try to fight it, this time in a very tricky way...
A true and total acceptance means that I am willing to adopt the possibility, just a possibility, that the pain will remain here forever.
Pitfall no. 2 - Exploiting trust and belief to not totally accept
Sometimes you will find your mind using your trust and belief in trying to accept a pain. Trust and belief are vital and extremely important but in this specific case of trying to achieve a total acceptance, the tricky mind actually exploits your trust and belief in trying to resist the pain by using a "back door". It says "well, I do accept this pain or that pain BECAUSE this is god's will, or I am stopping resisting BECAUSE I believe that it is just a spiritual test, etc." If you look carefully, you will see that the "BECAUSE" is actually sabotaging the totality and purity of the acceptance. A total acceptance cannot rely on some point of view or reasoning, the acceptance can be total, by definition, only if it is acceptance for the sake of acceptance and nothing more. Do maintain your blessed trust and belief by all means but always be sure that they are not used by the mind as considerations involved with your acceptance of a pain.
Pitfall no. 3 - Intermixing between "pain" and "suffer"
Be careful not to intermix between the meanings used of the terms "suffer" and "pain". Note again the difference between them: pain is a feeling, simply the sensing of something as painful (emotionally or physically), suffering is our mental response out of identification with the pain. They may look the same but they are not, you will see it when you stop resisting the pain, the pain is not you, it is there in your body or psyche, the suffering is you, its your chosen response. Grasping the fundamental difference between the two is the basis for understanding and implementing true acceptance.
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Pitfall 4: Resisting out of clinging to the state of acceptance
It sounds confusing (resisting out of... acceptance), well, the ways of the tricky mind are sometimes very confusing...
When we totally accept "what is", at a certain point we feel so good, so peaceful and free.
Naturally, at that point, the mind wants to stay in this desirable state. How does it do it? In the only way it knows: by resisting undesirable feelings and restlessness.
Without noticing, we suddenly find ourselves instead of in state of total acceptance, in a state of total resistance.
Be constantly alert to make sure you haven't started, without noticing, to resist. Always ask yourself: Am I still in the state of indifference (to painful feelings) or am I trying to avoid (painful feelings) in an effort to preserve my serenity.
Pitfall no. 5 - not accepting frustration from failed acceptance
It goes this way: you try to accept some feeling you currently have, your don't succeed so much, you get frustrated from failing to accept and try harder in order to defeat this failure.
On your way, you overlook the frustration and the feeling of failure which are so dominant there in the background of process and trying harder in order to defeat them you merely try to resist them.
In other words, while trying to accept one thing, you resist another theing (the frustration, the feeling of failure).
How to overcome this? stop the effort, stop the fighting, it is perfectly ok that sometimes you don't manage to accept just like this. Accept the possibility of you not being able to accept. Work on your acceptance but in parallel, make sure that when you fail in the very process of trying to accept, you accept your feeling of failure and frustration and do not try to combatthem.
As commented before (in pitfall 4), it may sound confusing unless checked against a real situation. Just check during the process of acceptance whether there is any feeling of failure, disappointment or frustration and if there is a such, make sure you don't fight it but accept it.
MATTER BASED SPRITUALITY IS NOT THE ANSWER
Santthosh
Hi Lilian,
I appreciate and admire your sincerity about your research on spiritual development. But same time I want suggest that your focus is still on the base of physical plane.
Until you have a proper yardstick to know the distinction between spirit and matter you will not be able to unfold the truth.
Whatever your observation holds good on matter based spirituality. The individual happenings in human life is happening on their own accord. The birth,life and death are happenings it does not depend upon the human conduct. The pain and pleasure, positive or negative and the whole human experience of diversity is created out of single invisible substance which is spirit. Discovering and realizing the substance as the true self is spiritual pursuit.
If you rectify your seeking base from 'I' or ego base to spirit base and continue your research and publish your thesis you will be able to quench the thirst of millions who are waiting to know the reality of their own existence.
Your intelligence and caliber should be well directed on the spiritual plane so that you will be able to discover and realize the true self in lesser time and effort.
WITH LOTS OF RESPECT AND REGARDS
ALL THE PITFALLS ARE WITHIN THE MIND
Santthosh
HI LILIAN,
All the pitfalls are within the mind. That is, you and your world are within the mind. Limiting your mind to to your physical entity is the main obstacle in SPIRITUAL pursuit . First know what is mind and its nature then you will able unfold the mystery of the mind. If you remain within the mind finding all the physical based pitfalls you will not be able to go beyond the mind or duality. please check the validity of my suggestion through deeper inquiry and reasoning . Then you will become aware of the fact yourself.
With respect and regards.
SANTTHOSH